Category: From the Files of HR Answers

Client: Every year, performance reviews feel like a minefield. Employees get anxious, some get defensive, and I feel like no one actually likes the process. How can I make this easier without losing the purpose of the review?

Consultant: You’re not alone—performance reviews tend to bring out stress in everyone, even when the feedback is positive. The key is to make reviews feel like a regular conversation, not a one-time judgment.

Client: Easier said than done! How do I get my employees to stop dreading them?

Consultant: The best way to avoid the big stress of reviews is to eliminate big surprises. If feedback is only happening once a year, of course people will feel nervous.

You might say:
“Performance reviews should just confirm what we’ve already talked about throughout the year. If anything in your review feels like a surprise, that means I haven’t done my job coaching you along the way.”

This shifts the mindset from “annual verdict” to “ongoing conversation.”

Client: Okay, but what about employees who get defensive when they hear anything negative?

Consultant: That’s natural—no one loves criticism. The trick is to make feedback feel like a tool for growth, not a punishment.

Try this approach:

Frame feedback as a path forward: “One thing that would take you to the next level is improving [specific skill]. Let’s work on that together.”

This makes it about improvement, not just critique.

Client: That’s great for individual reviews, but my whole team complains about the process itself. They think it’s a waste of time.

Consultant: Then it’s time to reframe the purpose. People check out when they don’t see the value.

Try saying:
“This isn’t just about evaluating the past—it’s about setting you up for success moving forward. What do you need from me to help you grow in your role?”

When employees see reviews as their opportunity (not just your assessment), engagement goes up.

Client: That makes sense, but I still need to rate people. How do I keep the process fair?

Consultant: Transparency is key. If ratings feel mysterious or subjective, people will question them.

Before the review, outline:
✔ How ratings are determined
✔ What “exceeds expectations” actually looks like
✔ How this connects to career growth

Then, during the review, you might say:
“Here’s why I rated you this way, and here’s what exceeding expectations would look like. Let’s talk about how you can get there.”

Client: What about the employees who are just… average? They’re doing fine, but not great. I don’t want them to think they’re not valued.

Consultant: Good point. “Meeting expectations” doesn’t mean “not good enough.” The trick is to recognize their contributions while encouraging growth.

Try saying:
“You’re a strong performer in [specific area], and the team relies on you. If you’re interested in growing into more opportunities, we can focus on [specific skill or responsibility]. Let’s talk about your interests and what that looks like.”

This way, they know they’re valued, and they also have a path forward if they want one.

Client: What if someone pushes back and disagrees with their review?

Consultant: Stay open and focused. The goal is conversation, not debate.

You could say:
“I appreciate your perspective. My goal is to help you succeed, and this feedback is meant to support that. Let’s talk through what steps we can take together to keep improving.”

If they’re still resistant, shift the focus to action:
“What would success in this area look like to you? Let’s find a way to get there.”

Client: This is really helpful. So the key is no surprises, clear expectations, and making it a two-way conversation?

Consultant: Exactly! Reviews should feel like part of ongoing growth—not an annual judgment. If you set that tone, your team will be less stressed and more engaged.

And if you need help refining your review process, we’re always here to support you.

Client: I’m tired of chasing down timesheets. Every pay period, I have to send multiple reminders, and I still end up with late or inaccurate submissions. How do I get my team to take this seriously without constantly nagging them?

Consultant: I hear you. Few things are more frustrating than scrambling for timesheets when payroll is due. The key is setting clear expectations, making the process as easy as possible, and adding some accountability so it’s their responsibility—not yours.

Client: Okay, but I feel like I already remind them a lot. What else can I do?

Consultant: First, let’s shift the mindset. Instead of making timesheets your responsibility, make it theirs. Start by setting a firm expectation.

Try this:
“Submitting accurate timesheets on time is part of your job—just like showing up to work. Moving forward, I expect everyone to submit their timesheets by [deadline] without multiple reminders. If there’s an issue, let me know before the deadline, not after.”

This makes it clear that it’s their responsibility, not something you’ll chase them for.

Client: That sounds great, but what if they still forget?

Consultant: Then it’s time to add accountability. While not paying an employee on time due to a missing timesheet is a violation in many states, discipline for failing to submit a timesheet isn’t.

You might say:
“Timesheets must be submitted on time so payroll can be processed correctly. If you don’t submit your timesheet, I’ll still have to process your pay, without your input, it may not reflect the correct hours and additional processes will be needed to correct any errors. Moving forward, repeated late or missing timesheets will result in corrective action.”

For non-exempt employees, reinforce compliance:
“Accurate timesheets are legally required. Late or incorrect submissions create compliance issues, so this is a must.”

A natural consequence—such as a written warning or requiring a meeting with you—can often be more effective than endless reminders.

Client: That makes sense, but I also need to make sure the timesheets are accurate. What’s the best way to do that?

Consultant: Accuracy comes down to two things: clear guidelines and spot-checking.

For guidelines, provide a simple checklist:

• Did you record all hours worked?
• Did you include meal and rest breaks (if required)?
• Is your overtime recorded correctly?

Then, implement spot-checks. You don’t need to audit every timesheet. Randomly reviewing a few sends the message that accuracy matters.

You might say:
“I’ll be reviewing timesheets periodically to ensure accuracy. If I find discrepancies, I’ll follow up so we can correct them. Let me know if you have any questions on what’s required.”

Client: What if someone keeps submitting them late or with errors?

Consultant: Then you treat it like any other performance issue.

Try this:
“We’ve talked about this before, and I’m still seeing late/inaccurate timesheets. Moving forward, if this continues, we’ll need to address it formally as a performance issue.”

This makes it clear that it’s an expectation, not a suggestion.

Client: What about making the process easier? Maybe people just forget because it’s annoying?

Consultant: Great point. If the process is clunky, people will put it off. Consider:

-Automated reminders (so the system, not you, does the reminding)
-A simple submission process (mobile-friendly options help)
-A shared calendar reminder (so it’s not all on you)
You might say:
“I know timesheets aren’t the most exciting task, so let’s make this easy. If you set a calendar reminder or use the automated system prompts, it’ll take two minutes instead of scrambling at the last minute.”

Client: This is really helpful. So the key is clear expectations, some accountability, and a streamlined process?

Consultant: Exactly! Set the expectation, make it easy, and follow through. That way, you’re not the timesheet babysitter, and payroll still runs smoothly.

And if you ever need help structuring a policy or handling repeat offenders, we’re here to help.

Client: I have a remote employee, and I want to make sure they’re staying productive. But I don’t want to come across like I’m micromanaging or checking up on them constantly. How do I strike the right balance?

Consultant: Great question. The key is setting clear expectations, building trust, and focusing on results while making sure you follow wage and hour laws—especially if they’re non-exempt and need to track their time accurately.

Client: Right, but I don’t want to be clock-watching. How do I set expectations without making them feel like I don’t trust them?

Consultant: Start with transparency. Let them know it’s not about tracking their every move—it’s about ensuring accountability and legal compliance.

You could say:
“I trust you to manage your time well, and since this is a remote role, we need to make sure we’re following company policies on work hours. Let’s go over expectations so we’re both clear.”

For non-exempt employees, this includes tracking their actual work time and taking required breaks for the geographic location they are completing work.

Client: That’s helpful. What’s the best way to check in without micromanaging?

Consultant: Structure is your friend here. A weekly check-in for priorities, plus quick daily or midweek updates, keeps things on track without overdoing it.

Try this:
“Let’s do a quick 15-minute check-in every Monday to go over priorities. For non-exempt staff, I’ll also need you to submit your time [frequency] so we’re compliant. If you ever run into challenges, don’t wait—reach out.”

For non-exempt employees, you might also say:
“Because of labor laws, it’s important that you’re accurately tracking all hours worked, including breaks and overtime. Let’s make sure we have a simple system that works for you.”

This ensures compliance without making them feel like they’re under a microscope.

Client: What if I start noticing signs that they’re slacking—like slow response times or missed deadlines?

Consultant: That’s when you move from assumption to conversation. Check in before jumping to conclusions.

You could say:
“I’ve noticed some delays in responses and a few missed deadlines. I want to check in—are you running into any challenges that I can help with?”

If it’s a time-tracking issue for a non-exempt employee, reinforce the importance of accurately logging work hours:
“I also want to remind you that we need to ensure your hours are correctly reported. Let’s talk through how to keep everything on track.”

Client: What if they keep missing deadlines but always have an excuse?

Consultant: That’s when you shift from conversation to accountability. Be clear about expectations and consequences.

Try this:
“I understand that things come up, and consistent delays impact the team. Moving forward, I need to see improvement in meeting deadlines. Let’s outline a plan to make that happen.”

For a non-exempt employee, you could add:
“And just a reminder—if you need to work extra time to catch up, it must be approved in advance to comply with overtime policies.”

This sets a firm and fair boundary.

Client: How do I keep them engaged so they don’t feel isolated?

Consultant: Remote employees—especially non-exempt ones—can feel disconnected. Small efforts make a big difference.

Try:

-Regular team video calls (even if they’re short)
-Encouraging casual Slack/Teams conversations
-Recognizing wins publicly
-Checking in on them—not just their work

You could say:
“I want to make sure you feel connected to the team. Let’s find ways to keep communication strong so you always feel in the loop.”

For non-exempt staff, also remind them:
“We want you engaged, and we also need to follow labor laws. If you’re working outside your scheduled hours, we need to discuss why.”

Client: That’s really helpful. So the key is setting expectations, checking in without overdoing it, and making sure non-exempt employees track their hours correctly?

Consultant: Exactly! Focus on results, not minute-by-minute activity. And for non-exempt employees, clear guidelines on hours and breaks ensure compliance and accountability.

And, if you ever need help with compliance in various locations, we’re here for you.

Client: I’ve noticed that absenteeism and tardiness are creeping up on my team. It’s not just one person—it’s becoming a pattern. How do I get things back on track without sounding like a drill sergeant?

Consultant: Good catch addressing this now. If you don’t reset expectations, this can quickly turn into “how we do things around here.” The key is to get to the root of why it’s happening before jumping straight to consequences.

Client: Yeah, but I don’t want to sound like I’m accusing anyone. What’s the best way to bring this up?

Consultant: Start with a general reset to the whole team. No one feels singled out, and it reinforces expectations.

Try this:
“I’ve noticed an increase in tardiness and absences across the team. I want to remind everyone how important it is that we’re here and ready to go on time, both for our own work and to support each other. If you’re running into challenges that are making it hard to be on time, let’s talk so we can find solutions.”

This lets employees know you’re paying attention and that you’re open to a conversation.

Client: That makes sense. But what if someone actually comes to me with a personal issue? Do I have to solve it?

Consultant: Not necessarily, listening is step one. If someone says, “I haven’t been able to pay for daycare, so I can’t drop off my kids early enough to make it in on time,” you don’t have to fix it, and you do need to acknowledge it.

You could say:
“That’s tough, and I appreciate you sharing it with me. Let’s talk about what options we might have to help, whether that’s adjusting your schedule slightly or seeing if there are any resources we can connect you with.”

This shows empathy while reinforcing that work expectations still need to be met.

Client: Okay, but what if the issue isn’t as serious? Like, someone just tells me, ‘My alarm clock broke, so I overslept.’

Consultant: Then it’s time to set a firmer boundary. Being late because of a broken alarm clock isn’t an ongoing excuse.

Try this:
“I get that things come up. Part of being reliable at work is planning for the unexpected. If your alarm isn’t working, I’d suggest setting a backup or using your phone. We need you to be proactive about getting here on time.”

It keeps it professional and doesn’t let them off the hook.

Client: What if they don’t have a ‘good reason’ at all and just keep showing up late?

Consultant: That’s when it moves from a conversation to accountability.

You could say:
“We’ve talked about the importance of being on time, and I’ve noticed that it’s still an issue. Moving forward, I need to see consistent improvement. If this continues, we’ll have to take further steps to address it.”

This lets them know you expect change—without jumping straight to discipline.

Client: And if it keeps happening?

Consultant: Then you escalate. At that point, it’s a performance issue, and formal steps are needed.

Try this:
“We’ve had multiple conversations about timeliness, and I haven’t seen the improvement we discussed. I need to be clear—if this doesn’t change, it will lead to formal corrective action.”

That way, you’re setting a clear expectation with a consequence.

Client: That makes sense. But what if the whole team is struggling, not just one or two people?

Consultant: If it’s widespread, you need to figure out why. Is burnout an issue? Are shift start times unrealistic? Are external factors—like traffic or public transportation changes—making it harder for people to get in on time?

Try an employee survey or a team check-in. Then, if needed, adjust policies—like allowing slight flexibility in start times or implementing a grace period.

You could say:
“We’ve seen an increase in tardiness, and I want to understand what’s driving it. If there are challenges making it difficult to be on time, let’s talk about possible solutions.”

This shows you’re not just laying down rules—you’re trying to fix the root cause.

Client: What if people take advantage of flexibility, though?

Consultant: That’s why any adjustments should come with clear expectations. If you allow flexibility and still see ongoing issues, you address those individually.

You might say:
“We’re open to making adjustments that work for the team. Attendance still matters. If we agree on changes, I expect everyone to meet those expectations.”

Client: This is really helpful. So, the key is setting expectations, listening to challenges, and holding people accountable?

Consultant: Exactly! If you set the tone now, you won’t have to deal with a bigger problem later. Address it early, communicate clearly, and follow through consistently.

And if you ever need help structuring tough conversations, or an employee survey, we’re here to support you.

This keeps the conversation practical, firm but fair, and aligned with your preferred Q&A format. Let me know if you’d like any refinements!

Client: Hey, I have an employee who wants a promotion, but they’re just not ready yet. I don’t want to discourage them, but I also can’t move them up right now. How do I handle this?

Consultant: Great question. The goal here is to give them a clear answer without shutting them down. You want them to walk away feeling motivated to improve—not defeated.

Client: Right, but I don’t want them to feel like I’m leading them on or just giving excuses.

Consultant: Exactly. That’s why it’s important to be honest, specific, and future-focused. Start by acknowledging their interest and ambition.

You could say:
“I appreciate your desire to grow within the company, and I want to support your development. Right now, I don’t think you’re quite ready for this promotion, but let’s talk about what skills and experience you need to get there.”

This shows that you value their aspirations while setting the stage for a constructive conversation.

Client: Okay, but what if they push back and ask, ‘Why not?’

Consultant: That’s where you need to be direct and supportive. The key is to avoid vague answers and instead focus on the specific skills, experience, or behaviors they need to develop.

You might say:
“A promotion means stepping into a role with greater responsibility. Based on what I’ve seen, there are a few areas where you need more growth before you’re ready. Let’s go through those together so we can make a plan.”

Then, give clear examples. Maybe they need stronger leadership skills, more technical knowledge, or better problem-solving abilities. Whatever it is, be specific.

Client: That makes sense. But how do I keep them from feeling like this is a dead end?

Consultant: The best way to keep them engaged is to turn this into a roadmap for growth. Set clear goals and give them actionable steps.

You could say:
“Here’s what I’d like to see over the next six months: Take the lead on [specific project], work on developing [specific skill], and get more experience in [key area]. If you can show growth in these areas, we’ll revisit this conversation.”

This makes it clear that you do see potential in them—it’s just about when, not if.

Client: What if they ask when they will be ready?

Consultant: Be honest, don’t overpromise. You can’t guarantee a timeline, and you can outline what success looks like.

Try this:
“I can’t give you an exact timeframe because it depends on progress in these areas and business needs. But if you focus on developing these skills and show consistent improvement, you’ll put yourself in a strong position for future opportunities.”

This keeps them motivated without locking you into a commitment.

Client: What if they’re really disappointed or frustrated?

Consultant: That’s natural. They might feel let down. How you handle the conversation can make all the difference.

If they seem discouraged, acknowledge their feelings while reinforcing your support:
“I know this may not be what you were hoping to hear, and I appreciate your ambition. My goal isn’t to hold you back—it’s to help set you up for success. Let’s work together to make sure you’re fully ready when the next opportunity comes.”

This helps them process the feedback while knowing you’re in their corner.

Client: That’s really helpful. So, bottom line—be direct, give specific feedback, and create a plan for growth?

Consultant: Exactly! You want them to leave the conversation feeling challenged, not shut down. When done right, this kind of feedback can actually make employees more engaged, because they know where they stand and what to work toward.

And remember—we’re here to help if you ever need guidance on building development plans.

Client: Help! Two of my employees were dating, but they broke up, and now it’s getting messy. Tension is high, productivity is dropping, and the rest of the team is feeling the impact. What do I do?

Consultant: Ah, the workplace romance fallout—it’s like watching a soap opera unfold at work, except no one’s getting paid for the drama. The key here is to address the issue directly, keep it professional, and refocus everyone on work.

Client: Right, but how do I even start the conversation? I don’t want to make things worse.

Consultant: Start with a neutral, fact-based approach. Don’t assume who’s at fault or dive into personal details. The goal is to refocus on behavior and workplace expectations, not emotions.

You could say:
“I understand that personal matters can sometimes affect work, and I’ve noticed some tension that’s impacting the team. My expectation is that personal issues remain separate from workplace interactions so we can maintain a productive environment. How can we make sure that happens?”

This acknowledges the issue without placing blame and sets the expectation that work comes first.

Client: What if one of them starts venting about the other during this conversation?

Consultant: Shut it down—gently and firmly. Your job isn’t to mediate their personal dispute; it’s to manage workplace behavior.

You can say:
“I appreciate that this is a difficult situation. My role here is to ensure a professional work environment. Let’s focus on how we move forward in the workplace.”

Redirecting the conversation keeps you from getting dragged into personal details while reinforcing expectations.

Client: What if they’re being passive-aggressive—giving each other the cold shoulder, making snarky comments, or dragging teammates into it?

Consultant: If their behavior is disrupting the team, it’s time to set clearer boundaries.

Try this:
“I need to be direct—ongoing tension is affecting the team. I expect professionalism from both of you at work. That means no negativity, no involving coworkers, and no disruptions. If this continues, we’ll need to have a different conversation about next steps.”

This makes it clear that their behavior—not the breakup—is the problem.

Client: What if one of them accuses the other of harassment?

Consultant: That’s a serious issue and needs to be handled separately. If there’s an allegation of harassment or inappropriate behavior, treat it as you would any other workplace complaint—investigate and follow your company’s policies.

You might say:
“If you feel there’s behavior that crosses the line into harassment, I want to make sure we address that appropriately. Let’s talk through what’s happening so we can handle it properly.”

Make sure to document the conversation and involve the necessary people. If you need our help with an investigation we are here. Let’s not jump to that conclusion yet.

Client: And what if one of them asks to move to a different team?

Consultant: If a transfer is possible and makes sense for business needs, it might be a good option. However, don’t rush to move someone just because they’re uncomfortable—it sets a precedent that personal conflicts can dictate staffing decisions.

You can say:
“If a team change is something you’d like to explore, we can look at options that make sense for the business. However, my priority is ensuring that, no matter where you work, professionalism is maintained.”

This keeps the focus on business needs, not personal preference.

Client: Got it. But what if things don’t improve?

Consultant: If after multiple conversations (don’t forget to document) the issue persists, you may need to escalate to performance management. Continued disruptions, negativity, or refusal to act professionally could warrant formal warnings.
Try this:
“We’ve talked about this before, and I need to be clear—this can’t continue. If workplace behavior doesn’t improve, we’ll need to move to formal corrective action.”

This sets a firm boundary while giving them one last opportunity to self-correct.

Client: This is really helpful. So, bottom line—address the behavior, not the breakup, keep it professional, and set clear expectations?

Consultant: Exactly! No one expects people to be best friends after a breakup. They do need to be professional coworkers. By focusing on workplace expectations, you can help the team move forward without unnecessary drama.

And remember—we’re always here if you need backup.

Client: Hey, I’ve got employees coming to me saying it’s unfair that one of their coworkers gets to bring a service animal to work. I know I can’t share personal medical details, but how do I address their concerns without making things worse?

Consultant: This is a common challenge. People notice when policies seem different for some employees, and without the full picture, they may feel like there’s favoritism. The key is to reinforce company policy, educate employees on accommodations, and avoid discussing personal details.

Client: Right, but they’re asking why this person gets to bring their dog when they can’t bring theirs. How do I explain without saying ‘it’s a disability thing’?

Consultant: Keep it broad and policy-focused. You don’t have to get into specifics about why the employee has a service animal—just that the company follows legal accommodation requirements.

You might say:
“We follow the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and other applicable laws regarding accommodations. When an employee has an approved accommodation, including a service animal, it’s part of ensuring equal access to the workplace. These decisions are handled confidentially, and we appreciate everyone respecting that process.”

This keeps the focus on compliance and respect rather than individual cases.

Client: That’s fine, but what if they keep pushing and say it’s still unfair?

Consultant: It helps to shift the conversation from fairness to workplace inclusivity.

You can say:

“Accommodations aren’t about giving special privileges—they’re about ensuring everyone can do their job effectively. Just like someone might need an ergonomic chair for medical reasons, a service animal is a necessary support tool for some employees.”

Most people understand once they realize it’s not about personal preference, but a legitimate workplace need.

Client: What if another employee has allergies or a fear of dogs? Then what?

Consultant: That’s where balancing accommodations comes in. If an employee has a medical concern, they can also request an accommodation. You don’t have to choose one over the other—you just need to find a workable solution.

You can say:
“If you have concerns about the service animal, whether it’s allergies, fear, or another issue, let’s discuss how we can make sure you’re comfortable while also maintaining a respectful and legally compliant workplace.”

That way, you’re addressing their concern while reinforcing that the service animal isn’t negotiable.

Client: That’s a good approach. But what if people just don’t like having a dog in the office and want it gone?

Consultant: Preferences and personal opinions aren’t the same as workplace needs. If employees raise concerns that aren’t tied to a legitimate issue (like allergies or safety), the best approach is to remind them that accommodations are a normal part of a diverse workplace.

Try this:
“I understand that this may be new for some of you, but service animals are a recognized accommodation under the law. Our goal is to create a workplace where everyone can do their best work, and accommodations are part of that commitment.”

It’s a firm and professional way to set expectations.

Client: That helps a lot. So basically, focus on policy, offer solutions if needed, but don’t get into specifics?

Consultant: Exactly. Keep it factual, keep it fair, and keep personal details out of it. That way, you maintain privacy while also setting clear expectations for workplace respect.

And if you ever need help navigating specific situations, we’re here to support you.

Client: Hey, I have a tricky situation. One of my employees is taking frequent bathroom breaks, and it’s affecting their productivity. I don’t want to be insensitive, but I also need to make sure work is getting done. What should I do?

Consultant: I hear you. You want to be fair, and you need to manage workflow. This situation requires a balance between respecting the employee’s needs and addressing the impact on productivity. Let’s break it down.

Client: Okay, how do I even begin this conversation without making it uncomfortable?

Consultant: First, take a step back and look at the pattern. Is this a sudden change, or has it been ongoing? Is it affecting deadlines or creating an imbalance in workload for others? Once you have a clear understanding, approach the conversation from a place of curiosity rather than accusation.

What you can say:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been away from your workstation more frequently than usual. I want to check in to see if everything is okay and if there’s anything I can do to support you.”

This keeps the conversation open-ended rather than immediately making it about productivity concerns.

Client: What if they say it’s a medical issue? Am I even allowed to ask about that?

Consultant: You can’t ask for personal medical details, you can focus on the impact of their absences on work. If they voluntarily mention a medical condition, listen and proceed with sensitivity.

If they hint at a health-related issue, you can say:
“I understand that personal health matters can sometimes affect work. If there’s something we should be aware of, we can explore possible accommodations. Let me know how we can support you.”

This signals that you’re willing to work with them while keeping the focus on performance.

Client: What if it’s not a medical issue and they just keep taking too many breaks?

Consultant: Then it’s time to shift the conversation to expectations. Keep it factual and professional.

You might say:
“I understand that everyone needs breaks, but I’ve noticed that the time away is impacting work. Let’s discuss how we can ensure that tasks are completed while still allowing the breaks you need.”

This gives the employee room to propose a solution. Maybe they don’t realize the impact their breaks are having or they have a reason that can be easily addressed.

Client: So, should I start tracking their bathroom breaks?

Consultant: No, that’s a quick way to create distrust. Instead, focus on performance outcomes rather than micromanaging time away.

For example, you could say:
“Regardless of break times, we need to ensure deadlines are met and responsibilities are covered. Let’s work together to figure out how we can balance this.”

This shifts the focus from where they are to what they are accomplishing.

Client: What if the conversation doesn’t help and they keep taking excessive breaks?

Consultant: If performance continues to suffer, then it becomes a formal performance issue. At that point, you may need to document the impact and set expectations for improvement.

You can say:
“I want to be clear—this isn’t about limiting necessary breaks, and we need to find a way to ensure productivity meets expectations. If we can’t find a balance, we may need to explore further steps to address this.”

This opens the door to progressive discipline if the behavior doesn’t change.

Client: That’s helpful. I don’t want to be the ‘bathroom police,’ but I also need my team to be accountable.

Consultant: Exactly. The key is to focus on solutions, not surveillance. Approach the situation with professionalism, flexibility, and clear expectations. Most employees will appreciate the conversation when it’s framed as a way to support both them and the team.

And if you ever need to navigate a more complex case, we’re here to help.

Client: I need help. The topic of pronouns has come up in our workplace, and I want to ensure everyone feels respected. But some employees are unfamiliar or even uncomfortable with the idea. How do I address this without making things worse?

Consultant: Great question—and you’re not alone in asking it. Pronouns can feel like a tricky topic to navigate, but the key is to approach it with understanding and clarity. The goal here isn’t to make anyone uncomfortable—it’s to build a culture of respect where everyone feels seen.

Client: Okay, so where do I start? Some employees probably don’t even know what this is about.

Consultant: Start with why it matters. Explain that using someone’s correct pronouns is about basic respect and inclusion—much like pronouncing someone’s name properly. It’s not about forcing change; it’s about creating a welcoming environment.

You could say:
“We want a workplace where everyone feels respected. Using someone’s correct pronouns is one small but meaningful way to show that respect.”

Client: That makes sense, but I’m worried about resistance. Some employees might say, ‘I don’t see why this is necessary.’

Consultant: That’s common, and it usually comes from unfamiliarity. Frame this as an opportunity to learn, not a mandate. Resistance often fades when people understand why pronouns matter.

Here are some actions you can take:

• Offer short, optional training sessions about gender identity and pronouns.
• Share resources like articles or guides on why pronouns are important.
• Encourage leaders to model behavior by sharing their pronouns when introducing themselves.

For example:
“If this topic feels new to you, that’s okay—it’s new to many people. This is an opportunity for all of us to learn how to show respect to one another in small but important ways.”

Client: Okay, but I don’t want to put anyone on the spot. How do I normalize pronouns without making it awkward?

Consultant: That’s a great point. You want to normalize pronouns, not spotlight people. Leaders can model the behavior naturally by introducing themselves with their pronouns, like: “Hi, I’m Alex, and I use she/her pronouns.”  Make it clear that sharing pronouns is optional. No one should feel forced.

What you can say:
“You’re welcome to share your pronouns if you’re comfortable, but it’s not required. Our goal is to create an environment where everyone feels respected.”

Client: What about mistakes? If someone gets it wrong, won’t that create tension?

Consultant: Mistakes happen—and the key is to handle them with grace. If you or someone else uses the wrong pronoun, the best approach is to correct it quickly and move on. Over-apologizing can actually make things more uncomfortable.

For example:
“Oops, I meant he/him. Thanks for catching that.”

What you can say to your team:
“We’re all learning, and mistakes are okay. What matters is that we correct ourselves and keep improving.”

Client: What if someone refuses to use a coworker’s pronouns? I want to be understanding, but there has to be a line.

Consultant: You’re right—respect isn’t optional. While education and understanding are key, there comes a point where refusal to respect pronouns is no longer about discomfort; it’s a performance or conduct issue.

You might say:
“We don’t all have to agree on everything, but we do have to treat each other with respect. That includes using the names and pronouns our coworkers share with us.”

Make it clear that ongoing refusal won’t be tolerated, just like any other behavior that undermines a respectful workplace.

Client: Got it. So, what’s the overall message I should be sending to my team?

Consultant: The message is simple: this is about respect and inclusion, not perfection.

You could wrap it up with something like:
“We’re committed to creating a workplace where everyone feels seen and respected. If you have questions or feel unsure about this, let’s talk. Learning and growing together is what matters most.”

Client: That’s a good approach. It feels respectful and balanced.

Consultant: Exactly. By leading with understanding, normalizing the practice, and holding boundaries around respect, you can create a culture where everyone feels valued—without unnecessary tension.

And remember, we’re always here to help you navigate these conversations.

Client: Hey, I’ve got a bit of a tricky situation on my hands. Some employees have been coming to me, complaining that they’re being left out because they’re not invited to lunch or after-hours activities. Now they want me to fix it. What do I do?

Consultant: The “Why wasn’t I invited?” conundrum. It’s like being back in high school, except now you’re the principal, and everyone expects you to solve their social dilemmas. First, let me say, I feel for you. Navigating workplace dynamics can sometimes feel like you’re hosting a never-ending reality TV show.

Client: Thanks, I appreciate that. It’s just so awkward. I don’t want anyone to feel excluded, but I’m not sure how to handle something like this.

Consultant: Totally understandable. The first thing to remember is that while you can foster a positive work culture, you can’t force friendships. It’s not your job to make sure everyone is best buddies outside of work, and you do want to create an environment where everyone feels included and respected. So, let’s start by addressing the complaints.

Have an open conversation with the employees who feels left out. You might say, “I understand you’re feeling excluded, and that’s never a good feeling. Let’s talk about what’s happening and how we can ensure everyone feels welcome at work.” This shows that you’re taking their concerns seriously without promising to play social director.

Client: That makes sense. But what if they’re expecting me to make everyone hang out together?

Consultant: This is where you set some boundaries. You can explain that while you can encourage a welcoming work environment, after-hours activities are voluntary and not something you can or should control. You might say, “While I can’t dictate how people spend their time outside of work, I do want to make sure our work environment is inclusive and that everyone feels they can participate in group activities during work hours.”

This helps them understand the distinction between workplace inclusion and personal time. It also opens the door to discussing ways to make work-related activities more inclusive without stepping on anyone’s personal time.

Client: But what if they’re still upset about not being invited to lunch or happy hours? How do I keep this from becoming a bigger issue?

Consultant: If they’re still upset, it’s time to shift the focus to what can be done within the scope of the workplace. You could suggest organizing more inclusive events that happen during work hours, like team lunches or coffee breaks where everyone is invited. For example, you might say, “Let’s plan a monthly team lunch where everyone’s invited. That way, we can all spend time together and no one feels left out.”

This gives them a chance to participate in group activities without crossing into the territory of personal time. Plus, it’s a great way to build team cohesion. Just make sure these events are genuinely inclusive and that everyone knows they’re welcome.

Client: That sounds like a good idea. But what if the core issue is that certain people just don’t seem to click with the rest of the team?

Consultant: A “chemistry” problem. It’s true that not everyone will naturally click with everyone else, and that’s okay. It’s important to acknowledge this and help your employees understand that it’s not a reflection of their worth. You might say, “It’s normal for different people to have different interests and friendships, and that doesn’t mean you’re not valued as part of the team.”

Encourage them to communicate their desire to participate, find common ground with their coworkers, perhaps by suggesting they initiate some inclusive activities themselves. Maybe they can organize a game or a lunch where everyone’s invited, rather than waiting for an invitation. This not only empowers them it could help them take ownership of their social experience at work.

Client: But what if they just want me to fix it and don’t want to take any steps themselves?

Consultant: That’s where you need to gently remind them of the limits of your role. You can’t force friendships, and it’s not realistic to expect you to manage social dynamics outside of work. You might say, “I’m here to support you in feeling included at work, it’s also important for you to take some steps to build connections. I can help facilitate that, and it’s a two-way street.”

Encourage them to step out of their comfort zone a bit. It might feel uncomfortable at first, and it’s often the best way to build relationships. And who knows? They might find they have more in common with their coworkers than they realized.

Client: That’s a good point. But what if their complaints start affecting the team’s morale? I don’t want this to turn into a bigger issue.

Consultant: If it’s starting to affect the team’s morale, it’s time to address it head-on. Have a team meeting to reinforce the importance of inclusivity and respect within the workplace. You might say, “We all bring different strengths to the team, and it’s important that everyone feels respected and included at work. Let’s focus on making sure our work environment is positive for everyone.”

This sets the tone for how you expect the team to interact and shows that you’re committed to maintaining a healthy work culture. At the same time, encourage open communication and let everyone know they can come to you with concerns—just be clear that you expect those concerns to be constructive and focused on the work environment.

Client: What if they still feel like they’re being left out, even after all of this? Do I need to intervene more directly?

Consultant: If they still feel left out, it might be time for a one-on-one conversation to dig a little deeper. You could say, “I want to make sure you feel included and valued at work. Let’s talk about what specifically is making you feel left out and how we can address it together.”

Sometimes, it’s not really about the social activities, rather a deeper feeling of being undervalued or disconnected. If that’s the case, focus on finding ways to help them feel more engaged with their work and connected to the team during work hours. Maybe there’s a project they could lead or a role they could take on that would make them feel more integral to the team.

Client: That makes sense. So, it’s about balancing empathy with setting realistic expectations?

Consultant: Exactly. You want to show that you care about their feelings and want them to feel included, and you need to set boundaries about what you can control. The workplace should be inclusive and welcoming, after-hours activities are a personal choice. By fostering a positive work environment and encouraging inclusive activities during work hours, you’re doing your part. The rest is up to them.

Client: Thanks, this really helps. Any final words of wisdom?

Consultant: Just this: it’s important to remember that you can’t be everyone’s best friend, and you can’t force others to be, either. Your job is to create a positive, inclusive work environment where everyone feels respected and valued. If some employees want to socialize outside of work, that’s great. It’s not something you can—or should—control. Focus on making work a place where everyone feels like part of the team, and the rest will usually fall into place.

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.