Category: From the Files of HR Answers

Client: I need help. The topic of pronouns has come up in our workplace, and I want to ensure everyone feels respected. But some employees are unfamiliar or even uncomfortable with the idea. How do I address this without making things worse?

Consultant: Great question—and you’re not alone in asking it. Pronouns can feel like a tricky topic to navigate, but the key is to approach it with understanding and clarity. The goal here isn’t to make anyone uncomfortable—it’s to build a culture of respect where everyone feels seen.

Client: Okay, so where do I start? Some employees probably don’t even know what this is about.

Consultant: Start with why it matters. Explain that using someone’s correct pronouns is about basic respect and inclusion—much like pronouncing someone’s name properly. It’s not about forcing change; it’s about creating a welcoming environment.

You could say:
“We want a workplace where everyone feels respected. Using someone’s correct pronouns is one small but meaningful way to show that respect.”

Client: That makes sense, but I’m worried about resistance. Some employees might say, ‘I don’t see why this is necessary.’

Consultant: That’s common, and it usually comes from unfamiliarity. Frame this as an opportunity to learn, not a mandate. Resistance often fades when people understand why pronouns matter.

Here are some actions you can take:

• Offer short, optional training sessions about gender identity and pronouns.
• Share resources like articles or guides on why pronouns are important.
• Encourage leaders to model behavior by sharing their pronouns when introducing themselves.

For example:
“If this topic feels new to you, that’s okay—it’s new to many people. This is an opportunity for all of us to learn how to show respect to one another in small but important ways.”

Client: Okay, but I don’t want to put anyone on the spot. How do I normalize pronouns without making it awkward?

Consultant: That’s a great point. You want to normalize pronouns, not spotlight people. Leaders can model the behavior naturally by introducing themselves with their pronouns, like: “Hi, I’m Alex, and I use she/her pronouns.”  Make it clear that sharing pronouns is optional. No one should feel forced.

What you can say:
“You’re welcome to share your pronouns if you’re comfortable, but it’s not required. Our goal is to create an environment where everyone feels respected.”

Client: What about mistakes? If someone gets it wrong, won’t that create tension?

Consultant: Mistakes happen—and the key is to handle them with grace. If you or someone else uses the wrong pronoun, the best approach is to correct it quickly and move on. Over-apologizing can actually make things more uncomfortable.

For example:
“Oops, I meant he/him. Thanks for catching that.”

What you can say to your team:
“We’re all learning, and mistakes are okay. What matters is that we correct ourselves and keep improving.”

Client: What if someone refuses to use a coworker’s pronouns? I want to be understanding, but there has to be a line.

Consultant: You’re right—respect isn’t optional. While education and understanding are key, there comes a point where refusal to respect pronouns is no longer about discomfort; it’s a performance or conduct issue.

You might say:
“We don’t all have to agree on everything, but we do have to treat each other with respect. That includes using the names and pronouns our coworkers share with us.”

Make it clear that ongoing refusal won’t be tolerated, just like any other behavior that undermines a respectful workplace.

Client: Got it. So, what’s the overall message I should be sending to my team?

Consultant: The message is simple: this is about respect and inclusion, not perfection.

You could wrap it up with something like:
“We’re committed to creating a workplace where everyone feels seen and respected. If you have questions or feel unsure about this, let’s talk. Learning and growing together is what matters most.”

Client: That’s a good approach. It feels respectful and balanced.

Consultant: Exactly. By leading with understanding, normalizing the practice, and holding boundaries around respect, you can create a culture where everyone feels valued—without unnecessary tension.

And remember, we’re always here to help you navigate these conversations.

Client: Hey, I’ve got a bit of a tricky situation on my hands. Some employees have been coming to me, complaining that they’re being left out because they’re not invited to lunch or after-hours activities. Now they want me to fix it. What do I do?

Consultant: The “Why wasn’t I invited?” conundrum. It’s like being back in high school, except now you’re the principal, and everyone expects you to solve their social dilemmas. First, let me say, I feel for you. Navigating workplace dynamics can sometimes feel like you’re hosting a never-ending reality TV show.

Client: Thanks, I appreciate that. It’s just so awkward. I don’t want anyone to feel excluded, but I’m not sure how to handle something like this.

Consultant: Totally understandable. The first thing to remember is that while you can foster a positive work culture, you can’t force friendships. It’s not your job to make sure everyone is best buddies outside of work, and you do want to create an environment where everyone feels included and respected. So, let’s start by addressing the complaints.

Have an open conversation with the employees who feels left out. You might say, “I understand you’re feeling excluded, and that’s never a good feeling. Let’s talk about what’s happening and how we can ensure everyone feels welcome at work.” This shows that you’re taking their concerns seriously without promising to play social director.

Client: That makes sense. But what if they’re expecting me to make everyone hang out together?

Consultant: This is where you set some boundaries. You can explain that while you can encourage a welcoming work environment, after-hours activities are voluntary and not something you can or should control. You might say, “While I can’t dictate how people spend their time outside of work, I do want to make sure our work environment is inclusive and that everyone feels they can participate in group activities during work hours.”

This helps them understand the distinction between workplace inclusion and personal time. It also opens the door to discussing ways to make work-related activities more inclusive without stepping on anyone’s personal time.

Client: But what if they’re still upset about not being invited to lunch or happy hours? How do I keep this from becoming a bigger issue?

Consultant: If they’re still upset, it’s time to shift the focus to what can be done within the scope of the workplace. You could suggest organizing more inclusive events that happen during work hours, like team lunches or coffee breaks where everyone is invited. For example, you might say, “Let’s plan a monthly team lunch where everyone’s invited. That way, we can all spend time together and no one feels left out.”

This gives them a chance to participate in group activities without crossing into the territory of personal time. Plus, it’s a great way to build team cohesion. Just make sure these events are genuinely inclusive and that everyone knows they’re welcome.

Client: That sounds like a good idea. But what if the core issue is that certain people just don’t seem to click with the rest of the team?

Consultant: A “chemistry” problem. It’s true that not everyone will naturally click with everyone else, and that’s okay. It’s important to acknowledge this and help your employees understand that it’s not a reflection of their worth. You might say, “It’s normal for different people to have different interests and friendships, and that doesn’t mean you’re not valued as part of the team.”

Encourage them to communicate their desire to participate, find common ground with their coworkers, perhaps by suggesting they initiate some inclusive activities themselves. Maybe they can organize a game or a lunch where everyone’s invited, rather than waiting for an invitation. This not only empowers them it could help them take ownership of their social experience at work.

Client: But what if they just want me to fix it and don’t want to take any steps themselves?

Consultant: That’s where you need to gently remind them of the limits of your role. You can’t force friendships, and it’s not realistic to expect you to manage social dynamics outside of work. You might say, “I’m here to support you in feeling included at work, it’s also important for you to take some steps to build connections. I can help facilitate that, and it’s a two-way street.”

Encourage them to step out of their comfort zone a bit. It might feel uncomfortable at first, and it’s often the best way to build relationships. And who knows? They might find they have more in common with their coworkers than they realized.

Client: That’s a good point. But what if their complaints start affecting the team’s morale? I don’t want this to turn into a bigger issue.

Consultant: If it’s starting to affect the team’s morale, it’s time to address it head-on. Have a team meeting to reinforce the importance of inclusivity and respect within the workplace. You might say, “We all bring different strengths to the team, and it’s important that everyone feels respected and included at work. Let’s focus on making sure our work environment is positive for everyone.”

This sets the tone for how you expect the team to interact and shows that you’re committed to maintaining a healthy work culture. At the same time, encourage open communication and let everyone know they can come to you with concerns—just be clear that you expect those concerns to be constructive and focused on the work environment.

Client: What if they still feel like they’re being left out, even after all of this? Do I need to intervene more directly?

Consultant: If they still feel left out, it might be time for a one-on-one conversation to dig a little deeper. You could say, “I want to make sure you feel included and valued at work. Let’s talk about what specifically is making you feel left out and how we can address it together.”

Sometimes, it’s not really about the social activities, rather a deeper feeling of being undervalued or disconnected. If that’s the case, focus on finding ways to help them feel more engaged with their work and connected to the team during work hours. Maybe there’s a project they could lead or a role they could take on that would make them feel more integral to the team.

Client: That makes sense. So, it’s about balancing empathy with setting realistic expectations?

Consultant: Exactly. You want to show that you care about their feelings and want them to feel included, and you need to set boundaries about what you can control. The workplace should be inclusive and welcoming, after-hours activities are a personal choice. By fostering a positive work environment and encouraging inclusive activities during work hours, you’re doing your part. The rest is up to them.

Client: Thanks, this really helps. Any final words of wisdom?

Consultant: Just this: it’s important to remember that you can’t be everyone’s best friend, and you can’t force others to be, either. Your job is to create a positive, inclusive work environment where everyone feels respected and valued. If some employees want to socialize outside of work, that’s great. It’s not something you can—or should—control. Focus on making work a place where everyone feels like part of the team, and the rest will usually fall into place.

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.

Client: Hey, I need your advice on something sticky. One of my employees just came to me and said they’ll leave if they don’t get a pay raise. The problem is, the raise they’re asking for is totally out of alignment with our internal pay equity. What should I do?

Consultant: The “raise or I walk” threat. It’s like being asked to pick between your favorite child and your prized pet—you don’t want to lose either, and you also can’t just give in to demands that upset the balance at home (or in this case, the office). We can help you navigate this with grace and maybe even a little humor.

Client: Great, because I’m really not sure how to handle this. I want to keep them, but I also can’t just blow up our pay structure to make one person happy.

Consultant: Exactly. The first thing to remember is that threats like this can be a sign of something deeper. Maybe this employee feels undervalued, or maybe they’ve heard through the grapevine that someone else got a raise and now they want one too. It’s important to get to the bottom of what’s really going on before making any decisions.

Start by having a calm, open conversation with them. You might say, “I appreciate you coming to me with your concerns, and I’d like to understand more about what’s driving this request. Let’s talk about what’s on your mind.” This gives them a chance to air their grievances without you immediately feeling like you’re cornered into making a decision.

Client: Okay, but what if they just keep pushing for the raise? They’re pretty adamant about it.

Consultant: If they’re still stuck on the raise, it’s time to bring out the facts—and I mean the hard numbers. Explain your company’s approach to pay equity and how you determine salaries. You could say, “We’re committed to maintaining a fair and equitable pay structure across the company. Your request is outside of the range we’ve established to ensure everyone is paid fairly for their role and experience.”

This is where you need to be transparent about how raises are determined. If they’re performing at a high level, let them know you recognize that and explain how that could lead to a raise within the established structure—just not the one they’re demanding. It’s about showing them that the process is consistent for everyone.

Client: But what if they threaten to leave again? How do I keep the conversation productive?

Consultant: Here’s where you turn the conversation around and ask some questions of your own. You might say, “I hear that this raise is important to you, and I want to understand more about what’s driving this decision. What are your long-term goals here, and how can we help you achieve them within our current structure?”

This does two things: First, it shifts the focus from the immediate demand to their future at the company, which could reveal underlying issues like career development or feeling undervalued. Second, it gives you a chance to explore other ways to satisfy their needs—like offering additional responsibilities, career growth opportunities, or non-monetary benefits that might align more closely with their goals.

Client: Okay, that’s helpful. But what if they’re still set on the raise and nothing else seems to matter? Do I just let them go?

Consultant: If it comes down to that, you have to weigh the pros and cons. Sometimes, an employee might be bluffing, thinking the threat of leaving will force your hand. If you’ve laid out the reasons why you can’t grant the raise and offered alternatives, and they’re still not budging, you need to consider what’s best for the business.

You might say, “I understand your position, and we need to maintain consistency in our pay structure. If this is a deal-breaker for you, I respect your decision, and I will wish you well if you resign.”

It’s never easy. Sometimes letting someone go—if they’re unwilling to work within the established system—is the best course of action. It’s about protecting the integrity of your pay equity and the morale of your team. If word gets out that one person got a huge raise by threatening to leave, you’ll have a line outside your door in no time!

Client: That’s true. But what if I really want to keep this person? They’re valuable and losing them would hurt the team.

Consultant: If they’re truly valuable and you want to explore ways to keep them, which result in a raise, you will likely be giving raises elsewhere also. Pay Equity isn’t a choice, it’s risk mitigation against illegal discrimination. Their value would need to offset all of the costs, assessment of changes to policy systems, training, processes, and the actual raise as well as the raises to others.

Client: What if I just can’t meet their demands, and they do leave? How do I manage the fallout?

Consultant: First, don’t panic. Employees leave for various reasons, and while it’s unfortunate, it’s also an opportunity to bring in fresh talent. If they decide to go, focus on a smooth transition. You might say, “I’m sorry to see you go, and I respect your decision. Let’s work together to ensure a smooth handover so the team can continue to thrive.”

Then, take a step back and assess what this situation has taught you. Were there signs earlier that this employee felt undervalued? How can you improve pay communication or career development to prevent similar situations? Use this as a learning experience to strengthen your team and processes.

Client: I guess that’s the best I can do. Any final words of wisdom?

Consultant: Just remember: it’s all about balance. While you want to retain your top talent, you can’t sacrifice the integrity of your pay structure or risk a discrimination lawsuit. Be empathetic and be clear. If you stick to your principles while showing you’re willing to work with employees on other solutions, you’ll build a strong, loyal team—and minimize those awkward “raise or I’m out” ultimatums in the future.

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.

Client: Hey, I’ve got a tough situation and need some guidance. One of our employees has a serious illness. They’ve used up all their protected leave and paid time off, but they want to keep working. The problem is, they’re not meeting expectations. What should I do?

Consultant: That’s a tricky one. It’s like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle—there’s a lot going on, and it’s easy to get burned. First off, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Balancing compassion with business needs is one of the hardest parts of management. Don’t worry, we can navigate this together.

Client: Thanks, I appreciate it. I want to be supportive, but at the same time, I have to think about the team and the work that’s not getting done. Where do I even start?

Consultant: Let’s start by acknowledging the human element here. It’s important to approach this with empathy. The employee is dealing with something really difficult, and the fact that they want to keep working shows they’re committed. That doesn’t mean you can ignore the impact on the business. You’ve got to find a balance between supporting them and keeping things running smoothly.

The first step is to have an honest, compassionate conversation with the employee. You might say something like, “I can see how much you want to keep contributing, and I admire your dedication. We need to talk about how things are going and what we can do to support you while also making sure the work gets done.”

Client: Okay, but what if they’re really struggling and just can’t meet the expectations? How do I handle that?

Consultant: This is where things get delicate. You need to assess whether there are reasonable accommodations that could help them meet expectations. Accommodations might include things like adjusting their workload, providing flexible hours, or allowing them to work from home if that’s possible. The key here is “reasonable”—you want to help them, and you need to make sure the accommodation doesn’t put undue strain on the rest of the team. This step is key in meeting the organization obligations related to the American’s with Disabilities Act (ADA.)

You could say, “Let’s explore what adjustments we can make to help you succeed. We want to support you, and we need to be realistic about what’s possible given the current situation.” This keeps the conversation supportive and grounded in the reality of the work that needs to be done.

Client: But what if we’ve already tried accommodations and they’re still not meeting expectations? At what point do I need to make a tougher decision?

Consultant: If you’ve tried to make accommodations and the employee still isn’t able to meet the job’s essential functions, it might be time to consider a more difficult conversation. This doesn’t mean you’re giving up on them, rather that you need to look at the bigger picture. You could say something like, “We’ve tried several adjustments, and we see this remains challenging and you are not meeting the job’s requirements. Let’s talk about what other options might be available.”

Options might include a temporary unpaid leave of absence, a reduced role, or even discussing whether there’s another position within the company that might be a better fit given their current situation (these are also parts of the ADA). This is where your empathy really needs to shine—you want them to know you care about their well-being, even if the current arrangement isn’t working.

Client: What if they insist on staying in their current role, even though they can’t handle it? I don’t want to seem like I’m pushing them out, but the team is starting to feel the strain.

Consultant: This is a tough love moment. You need to be clear and honest while still being kind. It’s perfectly okay to say, “I understand that you want to stay in your role, and we have to consider the impact on the entire team. The current situation isn’t sustainable, and we need to find a solution that works for everyone.”

If they’re adamant about staying, you might need to set some clear, measurable expectations and timelines. For example, “Let’s agree on some specific goals for the next few weeks. We’ll reassess at that point to see if things are improving.” This gives them a fair chance to improve, and also sets the stage for a more serious conversation if things don’t get better.

Client: And what if, after all of that, they’re still not meeting expectations? Do I have to consider termination?
Consultant: If it comes to that, it’s important to approach it with as much sensitivity as possible. Termination should always be a last resort, especially in a situation like this. If the employee isn’t able to perform the essential functions of their job despite accommodations and you’ve exhausted other options, it may be the only viable path forward.

When having that conversation, frame it in terms of the needs of the business while acknowledging the effort the employee has put in. You could say something like, “I know how hard you’ve worked to try and make this work, and I appreciate your dedication. Unfortunately, we’ve reached a point where the current situation isn’t working for the business, and we need to make a difficult decision.”

Make sure you’re offering support, whether that’s in the form of severance, help with applying for disability benefits, or even offering to write a strong reference if they’re capable of working in a different role elsewhere. It’s about balancing compassion with the reality of the business needs.

Client: That makes sense, but it’s still really hard. How do I make sure I’m doing this the right way legally and ethically?

Consultant: Great question, and it’s crucial to get this right. Make sure you’ve touched base with an employment attorney to review your process. You want to be sure you’re complying with all relevant laws—like the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and any applicable state laws—and that you’re documenting everything thoroughly. We can certainly outline the steps we are recommending for you. That might minimize the cost of the attorney.

Document every conversation, every accommodation offered, and every performance issue. This isn’t just to cover yourself legally—it’s also a way to ensure you’re being transparent throughout the process. You might say, “We’ve kept careful records of our discussions and the steps we’ve taken to support you, and we want to make sure everything is clear.”

Client: Thanks, this helps. It’s just such a difficult balance to strike between being compassionate and keeping the business running.

Consultant: It is, and there’s no perfect formula. Approaching this with empathy, clear communication, and a focus on finding workable solutions, you’re doing the best you can in a tough situation. Remember, your goal is to support the employee while also ensuring the business can continue to function effectively. Sometimes that means making hard decisions. If you handle it with care, you can navigate this without losing your humanity—or your sanity.

Client: I appreciate your help. Any final advice?

Consultant: Just this: remember that you’re dealing with a person who’s going through a tough time, and you’re responsible for the well-being of your entire team and the business. Approach every conversation with kindness, and don’t shy away from the tough decisions if they’re necessary. It’s a balancing act. With the right approach, you can find a solution that respects everyone involved.

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.

Client: Hey, I need your advice. We’re having a hard time hiring right now, and on top of that, we’ve got a few employees who don’t show up, don’t call, and are regularly late. What should we do?*

Consultant: The “no-show, no-call, late-to-the-party” scenario. It’s like trying to run a marathon with one shoe missing. I get it—right now, hiring new people feels like trying to catch a unicorn, and you’re left dealing with the folks who are here, but not really *here*, if you know what I mean. We’ve got some strategies to help you manage this without losing your sanity.

Client: Yeah, I’m at my wit’s end. We can’t afford to lose people, and this behavior is driving everyone nuts. What’s the first step?

Consultant: First things first: it’s time to get clear on expectations. You’d be surprised how often employees don’t even realize that their behavior is a big deal—especially if it hasn’t been directly addressed. You need to make sure everyone understands what’s expected of them. That means attendance policies, the importance of communication, and the consequences of failing to show up.

You could start by having a sit-down with the whole team—or at least those who are regularly MIA—and spell it out. Something like, “We’re all in this together, and we need everyone to pull their weight. Being on time and letting us know if you can’t make it is crucial for keeping things running smoothly.” Keep it straightforward, but don’t be afraid to let them know this is serious business.

Client: Okay, but what if they just keep doing it? We’ve talked to them before, but nothing seems to change.

Consultant: The repeat offenders. This is where consequences come into play. It’s not enough to just have a policy; you have to enforce it. If someone is continually late or not showing up, there needs to be a follow-up. The key here is consistency. If they know they can get away with it without repercussions, they’ll keep pushing the boundaries.

You might say, “We’ve talked about this before, and it’s still happening. We need to address this now to prevent further issues.” Lay out what the next steps are if the behavior doesn’t change—whether that’s a formal warning, a write-up, or some other action. The goal is to show that this isn’t something you’re going to ignore.

Client: But what if they push back? What if they say they have reasons or that it’s unfair?

Consultant: Push back is almost guaranteed, especially if they’re not used to being held accountable. The trick is to be empathetic and firm. If someone says they’re having trouble getting to work on time because of personal issues, you can listen and acknowledge that life happens— also reiterate that their attendance is non-negotiable. You could say, “I understand things can be tough outside of work, and we can discuss ways to help, we also need to make sure you’re here and ready to contribute.”

Offer support where you can—maybe there’s a temporary adjustment you can make to help them get back on track— make it clear that this isn’t a permanent adjustment. At the end of the day, they need to show up, or the team suffers.

Client: Okay, that’s fair. But here’s the thing—what if we really can’t afford to lose anyone? What if we’re so short-staffed that even the unreliable employees are better than no one?

Consultant: I hear you. In today’s job market, hiring can feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack while wearing mittens. It’s a tough spot to be in, and here’s the reality: keeping someone who’s unreliable can sometimes do more harm than good. Their behavior can drag down the morale of the whole team, and their unreliability can lead to bigger issues, like missed deadlines, customer dissatisfaction, and good staff resigning.

So, what can you do? First, assess how critical these roles are and whether you can redistribute their responsibilities temporarily if needed. Sometimes a short-term pain of being understaffed is better than the long-term chaos of keeping someone who’s not pulling their weight. You could also consider offering additional incentives for existing employees to pick up extra hours or responsibilities—this can help cover gaps while you’re working on finding more reliable hires.

Client: But what if we just can’t find anyone to replace them?

Consultant: If hiring new people is a major challenge, it’s time to get creative. Look into alternative staffing solutions—like temp agencies, part-time workers, or even remote employees if that’s an option. Sometimes broadening your hiring criteria or reaching out to different talent pools can bring in people you might not have considered before. It might also be worth reviewing your job postings and recruitment process to make sure you’re attracting the right candidates.

In the meantime, focus on retention—keep your reliable employees happy so they don’t feel tempted to jump ship. That means regular check-ins, recognition, and making sure they’re not burning out while picking up the slack for those who are less dependable.

Client: That makes sense. But what about the ones who just don’t improve, no matter what we do?*

Consultant: For the truly incorrigible ones, it might be time for the tough decision. It’s not an easy call, especially when hiring is difficult, but sometimes you have to cut the dead weight to keep the boat from sinking. If you’ve given them multiple chances, provided support, and they’re still not showing up—or calling in—it’s probably time to say goodbye.

Before you do, make sure you’ve got all your documentation in order—every missed day, every tardy, every conversation. That way, if they try to contest it later, you’ve got a solid case to back up your decision. And when you do let them go, be clear and professional. “We’ve given you multiple opportunities to improve, and you have chosen not to take those opportunities. We have chosen to end your employment, and we wish you well in your future endeavors.”

Client: But what if that leaves us even more short-staffed?

Consultant: It’s a risk, no doubt. But sometimes taking a step back allows you to move forward more effectively. Use the opportunity to strengthen the team you do have—cross-train them, offer professional development, and make them feel valued. That way, when you do find new hires, they’re coming into a more stable and positive environment. Plus, a tighter, more motivated team can often accomplish more than a larger group that’s bogged down by unreliability.

Client: I guess it’s a balancing act—holding people accountable without risking losing them altogether.

Consultant: Exactly. It’s about finding that sweet spot where you’re maintaining standards without decimating your workforce. Just remember, accountability is a two-way street. If employees see that you’re serious about attendance and punctuality, they’re more likely to take it seriously themselves. And for those who don’t—well, sometimes the best thing you can do for your team is to show them the door.

Client: Thanks for the advice. I feel a bit more prepared to tackle this now. Any final tips?

Consultant: Just this: don’t let fear of losing staff keep you from maintaining standards. It’s a tough market, sure, and that doesn’t mean you should lower the bar. Keep your expectations high, communicate clearly, and be consistent with consequences. In the long run, you’ll build a stronger, more reliable team—one that doesn’t leave you wondering if anyone’s going to show up tomorrow.

We are here to help anytime.  Thanks for the Conversation.

Client: Hey there, I need your help. I’m getting pretty tired of managers coming to me only when things have been going wrong for what feels, to them, like forever. Then they’re completely lost about how to fix it. How do I make them understand that giving timely feedback and following up is their responsibility?

Consultant: We see this frequently. It’s like discovering your house has had termites for years, and now you’re wondering why your floor is sagging. It’s not a great place to be. But fear not! We can absolutely help your managers grasp the importance of timely feedback and follow-up, so they’re not stuck in panic mode, desperately trying to repair the damage. And, looking to you to solve the problem.

Client: Exactly! So how do I get them to realize they can’t just ignore things until it’s too late?

Consultant: We start by making sure they understand that managing a team is a bit like being a gardener. You can’t just plant seeds (or in this case, hire employees) and walk away, hoping everything will bloom perfectly. Gardens need regular attention—watering, weeding, pruning. If you skip the upkeep, you’re going to end up with a mess of overgrown weeds and dead flowers. It’s the same with managing people. If managers don’t give feedback when it’s needed and follow up to ensure improvements are made, they’re setting themselves—and their team—up for a disaster.

Client: That makes sense. But what’s the best way to explain this to them without sounding like I’m nagging?

Consultant: Good question! You definitely don’t want to come off like the HR version of a broken record. Let’s take a friendly, yet firm, approach. You could start by sharing some real-world examples—anonymously, of course—of situations where problems festered because feedback was delayed. You might say something like, “Remember that project where everything blew up at the last minute? If someone had stepped in earlier with some constructive feedback, we could’ve avoided that crisis.” Real-life stories tend to resonate much more than abstract concepts.

Client: But what if they push back and say they’re too busy, or they didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings?

Consultant: “I’m too busy,” and “I didn’t want to hurt their feelings,” are two of the biggest culprits behind the “forever problem.” Here’s what you can tell them:

First, about the “I’m too busy” excuse—managing people is their job. It’s not an extra task on top of their work; it *is* their work. If they’re too busy to give feedback, they’re too busy to manage. And that’s a manager performance problem. Without feedback, small issues turn into big ones, and those big ones take even more time and energy to fix later. So really, by not giving timely feedback, they’re creating more work for themselves down the road.

As for the “I didn’t want to hurt their feelings” excuse—remind them that giving feedback doesn’t have to be painful. It’s all about the delivery. If they approach it as an opportunity to help someone improve, rather than as criticism, it can be a positive experience. You might say, “Feedback isn’t about pointing out flaws; it’s about guiding someone to be their best. Think of it as coaching rather than criticizing.” That way, they’ll see it as an investment in their team’s growth rather than an uncomfortable confrontation.

Client: Okay, but what if they just don’t see the urgency? Like, they know something’s wrong, but they think it’ll sort itself out eventually?

Consultant: That’s a risky game to play. Waiting for problems to fix themselves is like hoping a flat tire will reinflate on its own—it’s just not going to happen. One thing that can really drive this point home is data. Encourage your managers to track issues as soon as they arise. If they see a pattern—like consistently missed deadlines or repeated mistakes—they’ll realize these aren’t one-off incidents but signs of a deeper issue that needs addressing. Show them that the longer they wait, the more these small problems will compound, making it harder to solve later on.

Client: So, how do I get them to actually follow up after giving feedback? That seems to be another sticking point.

Consultant: Follow-up is where the magic happens—or where everything falls apart if it’s neglected. You can tell your managers that feedback without follow-up is like giving someone a map but not checking to see if they actually found their way. It’s essential to circle back and see if the changes have been made and if the person needs more support. This doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out process—sometimes a quick check-in is all that’s needed. It’s also important to remember follow-up is for the purpose of praise and continued support.

You might say, “Following up shows you care about the person’s success and the team’s overall performance. It’s like putting the final coat of paint on a project—it’s what makes everything come together.” And if they’re worried about micromanaging, reassure them that follow-up isn’t about hovering; it’s about making sure the job gets done well. It’s the difference between driving a car with occasional check-ups and driving until it breaks down on the side of the road.

Client: That’s a great analogy. But how do I make this a habit for them, not just a one-time thing?

Consultant: Building habits is all about consistency. Encourage your managers to make feedback and follow-up part of their regular routine. One way to do this is by setting reminders—either in their calendar or through whatever project management tools you’re using. Suggest they set aside a little time each week specifically for check-ins and follow-ups. Even 15 minutes can make a big difference.

Another tip is to lead by example. If you’re regularly giving feedback and following up, they’ll see it in action and be more likely to do it themselves. You can also make it a part of their performance reviews—assessing how well they’re giving feedback and following up with their team. That way, they’ll see it’s not just a nice-to-have, but a critical part of their role.

Client: That’s helpful. But what if someone still doesn’t get it and keeps letting things slide?

Consultant: If someone is consistently dropping the ball, it might be time for some tough love. Sit down with them and explain the impact their inaction is having—not just on the team, but on the company as a whole. Sometimes people need to see the bigger picture to understand why this matters. You might say, “When you don’t address issues right away, it affects not just your team’s performance, but the whole department’s productivity. We need everyone pulling their weight to keep things running smoothly.”

If they’re still not getting it, it may be time to consider whether they’re really suited for a managerial role. Some people are great individual contributors and struggle with the responsibilities of management. It’s better to address this sooner rather than later, for everyone’s sake.

Client: I really appreciate these insights. I think I have a better handle on how to approach this with my managers. Any final words of wisdom?*

Consultant: Just this: feedback and follow-up are a gift. By making them a priority, your managers will not only prevent problems from spiraling out of control, they’ll also build stronger, more capable teams. And when that happens, you’ll hear a lot less about problems that have been going on “forever.”

So, encourage your managers to embrace their role as feedback champions. A little timely intervention can save a world of headaches down the road. And hey, if they ever need a reminder, just tell them: “Don’t let forever be the enemy of now.”

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.

Q: Where I work, we do not have an HR Manager, so I am the “HR Department” (business owner, office manager, etc.). I had a complaint about an employee who works at the company, and I have never investigated a sexual harassment incident before. I have the complainant’s statement, but I have not spoken to the subject of complaint(s). I don’t really know how to handle this and what I need to do next. Any help would be appreciated!!

A: First off, take a deep breath! We know these are tough situations to handle and manage. We understand that conducting internal investigations, especially when you’re not directly responsible for “all things HR” can be challenging. For the purposes of this Q&A, you will be referred to as the “HR Administrator”. Therefore, here is some guidance to help you navigate a complaint of sexual harassment in an effective and timely manner:

The initial step is crucial: Ensure the complainant’s statement is acknowledged by letting them know the allegation will be kept confidential and taken seriously. In your role as an HR Administrator, gather as much information as possible from the complainant by meeting with them to discuss the written or verbal complaint. This includes the details of the incident(s), dates, times, locations, and any potential witnesses. Cover the five (5) W’s and the H which means create questions that cover the: Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How.

Your next step is to inform your immediate supervisor, higher management, or general counsel about the complaint. This is especially important since you are the “de facto HR Administrator”. Transparency and collaboration with management will ensure the process proceeds appropriately. At this time, we would suggest you determine if you are the best person to manage this investigation. Consult with an HR professional or employment attorney, as needed. Ensure that the process will be conducted professionally and free from any preconceived judgments. This underscores the importance of involving a third party. You will want to minimize any perception of a conflict of interest by taking lead in the investigation if there is a bias.

Following the meeting with the complainant and informing those who need to know about the actual complaint, the next step is to meet with the employee who is the subject of the complaints. Again, this meeting should be face to face (in-person or virtual). Be sure to prepare your questions in advance to structure your interview with the subject. Ensure confidentiality, no retaliation, and that your questions are unbiased. It’s essential to conduct a fair and impartial investigation. Structure your questions to allow them to provide their side of the story and gather any relevant evidence they might have to tell you at this time. If there are any witnesses mentioned, follow up with them and capture their details. Document every interaction and piece of evidence meticulously. At all times reminding and assuring people of privacy, confidentiality, and no retaliation.

It is important to remain neutral during the entire process and at the same time be supportive of both parties throughout the process. This is done by maintaining open lines of communication with both the complainant and the subject of complaints. Let them know that their concerns and well-being are a priority. Offer resources such as counseling or support groups as needed. Equally as important is ensuring the safety of each person involved, be sure to review their comfort level to continue working together, if required. This might include talking through options with an experienced HR professional consultant or employment attorney.

After you have gathered all your facts and details, if you are unsure about how to proceed next with the investigation, do not hesitate to seek guidance. If there are any questions or concerns with the facts collected, consult with an employment attorney or an experienced HR professional consultant. Remaining neutral and unbiased is paramount to evaluating the facts and determining the outcome and conclusion.

Once the investigation is finalized, compile a comprehensive report with your findings, evidence, and conclusions. Management can then decide on the appropriate action if any will be required.  However, final determinations may be case-by-case and the result may involve disciplinary measures or other necessary steps. At this juncture, you may decide to seek out an experienced HR professional consultant or employment attorney to review the findings, solutions, and recommendations before concluding. Then you need to communicate to both the complainant and the subject of complaints to reflect the investigation is complete.

In many cases, additional findings may include coaching, updating employee handbooks, and/or training on conducting investigations for yourself or someone else within the organization to ensure better management of situations that arise in the future. HR Answers is offering a session on Tuesday, November 28. Register Here.

Remember that conducting internal investigations is challenging and creates discomfort within the organization, however, equally invaluable to your business is managing them successfully. Seek guidance when unsure, maintain professionalism, and ensure fairness to all parties involved. Your commitment to handling these situations conscientiously is vital in creating a safe and respectful workplace as well as mitigating risk.