Author: Laurie Grenya

Client: Hey, I’ve got a bit of a tricky situation on my hands. Some employees have been coming to me, complaining that they’re being left out because they’re not invited to lunch or after-hours activities. Now they want me to fix it. What do I do?

Consultant: The “Why wasn’t I invited?” conundrum. It’s like being back in high school, except now you’re the principal, and everyone expects you to solve their social dilemmas. First, let me say, I feel for you. Navigating workplace dynamics can sometimes feel like you’re hosting a never-ending reality TV show.

Client: Thanks, I appreciate that. It’s just so awkward. I don’t want anyone to feel excluded, but I’m not sure how to handle something like this.

Consultant: Totally understandable. The first thing to remember is that while you can foster a positive work culture, you can’t force friendships. It’s not your job to make sure everyone is best buddies outside of work, and you do want to create an environment where everyone feels included and respected. So, let’s start by addressing the complaints.

Have an open conversation with the employees who feels left out. You might say, “I understand you’re feeling excluded, and that’s never a good feeling. Let’s talk about what’s happening and how we can ensure everyone feels welcome at work.” This shows that you’re taking their concerns seriously without promising to play social director.

Client: That makes sense. But what if they’re expecting me to make everyone hang out together?

Consultant: This is where you set some boundaries. You can explain that while you can encourage a welcoming work environment, after-hours activities are voluntary and not something you can or should control. You might say, “While I can’t dictate how people spend their time outside of work, I do want to make sure our work environment is inclusive and that everyone feels they can participate in group activities during work hours.”

This helps them understand the distinction between workplace inclusion and personal time. It also opens the door to discussing ways to make work-related activities more inclusive without stepping on anyone’s personal time.

Client: But what if they’re still upset about not being invited to lunch or happy hours? How do I keep this from becoming a bigger issue?

Consultant: If they’re still upset, it’s time to shift the focus to what can be done within the scope of the workplace. You could suggest organizing more inclusive events that happen during work hours, like team lunches or coffee breaks where everyone is invited. For example, you might say, “Let’s plan a monthly team lunch where everyone’s invited. That way, we can all spend time together and no one feels left out.”

This gives them a chance to participate in group activities without crossing into the territory of personal time. Plus, it’s a great way to build team cohesion. Just make sure these events are genuinely inclusive and that everyone knows they’re welcome.

Client: That sounds like a good idea. But what if the core issue is that certain people just don’t seem to click with the rest of the team?

Consultant: A “chemistry” problem. It’s true that not everyone will naturally click with everyone else, and that’s okay. It’s important to acknowledge this and help your employees understand that it’s not a reflection of their worth. You might say, “It’s normal for different people to have different interests and friendships, and that doesn’t mean you’re not valued as part of the team.”

Encourage them to communicate their desire to participate, find common ground with their coworkers, perhaps by suggesting they initiate some inclusive activities themselves. Maybe they can organize a game or a lunch where everyone’s invited, rather than waiting for an invitation. This not only empowers them it could help them take ownership of their social experience at work.

Client: But what if they just want me to fix it and don’t want to take any steps themselves?

Consultant: That’s where you need to gently remind them of the limits of your role. You can’t force friendships, and it’s not realistic to expect you to manage social dynamics outside of work. You might say, “I’m here to support you in feeling included at work, it’s also important for you to take some steps to build connections. I can help facilitate that, and it’s a two-way street.”

Encourage them to step out of their comfort zone a bit. It might feel uncomfortable at first, and it’s often the best way to build relationships. And who knows? They might find they have more in common with their coworkers than they realized.

Client: That’s a good point. But what if their complaints start affecting the team’s morale? I don’t want this to turn into a bigger issue.

Consultant: If it’s starting to affect the team’s morale, it’s time to address it head-on. Have a team meeting to reinforce the importance of inclusivity and respect within the workplace. You might say, “We all bring different strengths to the team, and it’s important that everyone feels respected and included at work. Let’s focus on making sure our work environment is positive for everyone.”

This sets the tone for how you expect the team to interact and shows that you’re committed to maintaining a healthy work culture. At the same time, encourage open communication and let everyone know they can come to you with concerns—just be clear that you expect those concerns to be constructive and focused on the work environment.

Client: What if they still feel like they’re being left out, even after all of this? Do I need to intervene more directly?

Consultant: If they still feel left out, it might be time for a one-on-one conversation to dig a little deeper. You could say, “I want to make sure you feel included and valued at work. Let’s talk about what specifically is making you feel left out and how we can address it together.”

Sometimes, it’s not really about the social activities, rather a deeper feeling of being undervalued or disconnected. If that’s the case, focus on finding ways to help them feel more engaged with their work and connected to the team during work hours. Maybe there’s a project they could lead or a role they could take on that would make them feel more integral to the team.

Client: That makes sense. So, it’s about balancing empathy with setting realistic expectations?

Consultant: Exactly. You want to show that you care about their feelings and want them to feel included, and you need to set boundaries about what you can control. The workplace should be inclusive and welcoming, after-hours activities are a personal choice. By fostering a positive work environment and encouraging inclusive activities during work hours, you’re doing your part. The rest is up to them.

Client: Thanks, this really helps. Any final words of wisdom?

Consultant: Just this: it’s important to remember that you can’t be everyone’s best friend, and you can’t force others to be, either. Your job is to create a positive, inclusive work environment where everyone feels respected and valued. If some employees want to socialize outside of work, that’s great. It’s not something you can—or should—control. Focus on making work a place where everyone feels like part of the team, and the rest will usually fall into place.

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.

Client: Hey, I need your advice on something sticky. One of my employees just came to me and said they’ll leave if they don’t get a pay raise. The problem is, the raise they’re asking for is totally out of alignment with our internal pay equity. What should I do?

Consultant: The “raise or I walk” threat. It’s like being asked to pick between your favorite child and your prized pet—you don’t want to lose either, and you also can’t just give in to demands that upset the balance at home (or in this case, the office). We can help you navigate this with grace and maybe even a little humor.

Client: Great, because I’m really not sure how to handle this. I want to keep them, but I also can’t just blow up our pay structure to make one person happy.

Consultant: Exactly. The first thing to remember is that threats like this can be a sign of something deeper. Maybe this employee feels undervalued, or maybe they’ve heard through the grapevine that someone else got a raise and now they want one too. It’s important to get to the bottom of what’s really going on before making any decisions.

Start by having a calm, open conversation with them. You might say, “I appreciate you coming to me with your concerns, and I’d like to understand more about what’s driving this request. Let’s talk about what’s on your mind.” This gives them a chance to air their grievances without you immediately feeling like you’re cornered into making a decision.

Client: Okay, but what if they just keep pushing for the raise? They’re pretty adamant about it.

Consultant: If they’re still stuck on the raise, it’s time to bring out the facts—and I mean the hard numbers. Explain your company’s approach to pay equity and how you determine salaries. You could say, “We’re committed to maintaining a fair and equitable pay structure across the company. Your request is outside of the range we’ve established to ensure everyone is paid fairly for their role and experience.”

This is where you need to be transparent about how raises are determined. If they’re performing at a high level, let them know you recognize that and explain how that could lead to a raise within the established structure—just not the one they’re demanding. It’s about showing them that the process is consistent for everyone.

Client: But what if they threaten to leave again? How do I keep the conversation productive?

Consultant: Here’s where you turn the conversation around and ask some questions of your own. You might say, “I hear that this raise is important to you, and I want to understand more about what’s driving this decision. What are your long-term goals here, and how can we help you achieve them within our current structure?”

This does two things: First, it shifts the focus from the immediate demand to their future at the company, which could reveal underlying issues like career development or feeling undervalued. Second, it gives you a chance to explore other ways to satisfy their needs—like offering additional responsibilities, career growth opportunities, or non-monetary benefits that might align more closely with their goals.

Client: Okay, that’s helpful. But what if they’re still set on the raise and nothing else seems to matter? Do I just let them go?

Consultant: If it comes down to that, you have to weigh the pros and cons. Sometimes, an employee might be bluffing, thinking the threat of leaving will force your hand. If you’ve laid out the reasons why you can’t grant the raise and offered alternatives, and they’re still not budging, you need to consider what’s best for the business.

You might say, “I understand your position, and we need to maintain consistency in our pay structure. If this is a deal-breaker for you, I respect your decision, and I will wish you well if you resign.”

It’s never easy. Sometimes letting someone go—if they’re unwilling to work within the established system—is the best course of action. It’s about protecting the integrity of your pay equity and the morale of your team. If word gets out that one person got a huge raise by threatening to leave, you’ll have a line outside your door in no time!

Client: That’s true. But what if I really want to keep this person? They’re valuable and losing them would hurt the team.

Consultant: If they’re truly valuable and you want to explore ways to keep them, which result in a raise, you will likely be giving raises elsewhere also. Pay Equity isn’t a choice, it’s risk mitigation against illegal discrimination. Their value would need to offset all of the costs, assessment of changes to policy systems, training, processes, and the actual raise as well as the raises to others.

Client: What if I just can’t meet their demands, and they do leave? How do I manage the fallout?

Consultant: First, don’t panic. Employees leave for various reasons, and while it’s unfortunate, it’s also an opportunity to bring in fresh talent. If they decide to go, focus on a smooth transition. You might say, “I’m sorry to see you go, and I respect your decision. Let’s work together to ensure a smooth handover so the team can continue to thrive.”

Then, take a step back and assess what this situation has taught you. Were there signs earlier that this employee felt undervalued? How can you improve pay communication or career development to prevent similar situations? Use this as a learning experience to strengthen your team and processes.

Client: I guess that’s the best I can do. Any final words of wisdom?

Consultant: Just remember: it’s all about balance. While you want to retain your top talent, you can’t sacrifice the integrity of your pay structure or risk a discrimination lawsuit. Be empathetic and be clear. If you stick to your principles while showing you’re willing to work with employees on other solutions, you’ll build a strong, loyal team—and minimize those awkward “raise or I’m out” ultimatums in the future.

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.

Client: Hey, I’ve got a tough situation and need some guidance. One of our employees has a serious illness. They’ve used up all their protected leave and paid time off, but they want to keep working. The problem is, they’re not meeting expectations. What should I do?

Consultant: That’s a tricky one. It’s like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle—there’s a lot going on, and it’s easy to get burned. First off, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Balancing compassion with business needs is one of the hardest parts of management. Don’t worry, we can navigate this together.

Client: Thanks, I appreciate it. I want to be supportive, but at the same time, I have to think about the team and the work that’s not getting done. Where do I even start?

Consultant: Let’s start by acknowledging the human element here. It’s important to approach this with empathy. The employee is dealing with something really difficult, and the fact that they want to keep working shows they’re committed. That doesn’t mean you can ignore the impact on the business. You’ve got to find a balance between supporting them and keeping things running smoothly.

The first step is to have an honest, compassionate conversation with the employee. You might say something like, “I can see how much you want to keep contributing, and I admire your dedication. We need to talk about how things are going and what we can do to support you while also making sure the work gets done.”

Client: Okay, but what if they’re really struggling and just can’t meet the expectations? How do I handle that?

Consultant: This is where things get delicate. You need to assess whether there are reasonable accommodations that could help them meet expectations. Accommodations might include things like adjusting their workload, providing flexible hours, or allowing them to work from home if that’s possible. The key here is “reasonable”—you want to help them, and you need to make sure the accommodation doesn’t put undue strain on the rest of the team. This step is key in meeting the organization obligations related to the American’s with Disabilities Act (ADA.)

You could say, “Let’s explore what adjustments we can make to help you succeed. We want to support you, and we need to be realistic about what’s possible given the current situation.” This keeps the conversation supportive and grounded in the reality of the work that needs to be done.

Client: But what if we’ve already tried accommodations and they’re still not meeting expectations? At what point do I need to make a tougher decision?

Consultant: If you’ve tried to make accommodations and the employee still isn’t able to meet the job’s essential functions, it might be time to consider a more difficult conversation. This doesn’t mean you’re giving up on them, rather that you need to look at the bigger picture. You could say something like, “We’ve tried several adjustments, and we see this remains challenging and you are not meeting the job’s requirements. Let’s talk about what other options might be available.”

Options might include a temporary unpaid leave of absence, a reduced role, or even discussing whether there’s another position within the company that might be a better fit given their current situation (these are also parts of the ADA). This is where your empathy really needs to shine—you want them to know you care about their well-being, even if the current arrangement isn’t working.

Client: What if they insist on staying in their current role, even though they can’t handle it? I don’t want to seem like I’m pushing them out, but the team is starting to feel the strain.

Consultant: This is a tough love moment. You need to be clear and honest while still being kind. It’s perfectly okay to say, “I understand that you want to stay in your role, and we have to consider the impact on the entire team. The current situation isn’t sustainable, and we need to find a solution that works for everyone.”

If they’re adamant about staying, you might need to set some clear, measurable expectations and timelines. For example, “Let’s agree on some specific goals for the next few weeks. We’ll reassess at that point to see if things are improving.” This gives them a fair chance to improve, and also sets the stage for a more serious conversation if things don’t get better.

Client: And what if, after all of that, they’re still not meeting expectations? Do I have to consider termination?
Consultant: If it comes to that, it’s important to approach it with as much sensitivity as possible. Termination should always be a last resort, especially in a situation like this. If the employee isn’t able to perform the essential functions of their job despite accommodations and you’ve exhausted other options, it may be the only viable path forward.

When having that conversation, frame it in terms of the needs of the business while acknowledging the effort the employee has put in. You could say something like, “I know how hard you’ve worked to try and make this work, and I appreciate your dedication. Unfortunately, we’ve reached a point where the current situation isn’t working for the business, and we need to make a difficult decision.”

Make sure you’re offering support, whether that’s in the form of severance, help with applying for disability benefits, or even offering to write a strong reference if they’re capable of working in a different role elsewhere. It’s about balancing compassion with the reality of the business needs.

Client: That makes sense, but it’s still really hard. How do I make sure I’m doing this the right way legally and ethically?

Consultant: Great question, and it’s crucial to get this right. Make sure you’ve touched base with an employment attorney to review your process. You want to be sure you’re complying with all relevant laws—like the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and any applicable state laws—and that you’re documenting everything thoroughly. We can certainly outline the steps we are recommending for you. That might minimize the cost of the attorney.

Document every conversation, every accommodation offered, and every performance issue. This isn’t just to cover yourself legally—it’s also a way to ensure you’re being transparent throughout the process. You might say, “We’ve kept careful records of our discussions and the steps we’ve taken to support you, and we want to make sure everything is clear.”

Client: Thanks, this helps. It’s just such a difficult balance to strike between being compassionate and keeping the business running.

Consultant: It is, and there’s no perfect formula. Approaching this with empathy, clear communication, and a focus on finding workable solutions, you’re doing the best you can in a tough situation. Remember, your goal is to support the employee while also ensuring the business can continue to function effectively. Sometimes that means making hard decisions. If you handle it with care, you can navigate this without losing your humanity—or your sanity.

Client: I appreciate your help. Any final advice?

Consultant: Just this: remember that you’re dealing with a person who’s going through a tough time, and you’re responsible for the well-being of your entire team and the business. Approach every conversation with kindness, and don’t shy away from the tough decisions if they’re necessary. It’s a balancing act. With the right approach, you can find a solution that respects everyone involved.

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.