Author: Laurie Grenya

Client: Help! Two of my employees were dating, but they broke up, and now it’s getting messy. Tension is high, productivity is dropping, and the rest of the team is feeling the impact. What do I do?

Consultant: Ah, the workplace romance fallout—it’s like watching a soap opera unfold at work, except no one’s getting paid for the drama. The key here is to address the issue directly, keep it professional, and refocus everyone on work.

Client: Right, but how do I even start the conversation? I don’t want to make things worse.

Consultant: Start with a neutral, fact-based approach. Don’t assume who’s at fault or dive into personal details. The goal is to refocus on behavior and workplace expectations, not emotions.

You could say:
“I understand that personal matters can sometimes affect work, and I’ve noticed some tension that’s impacting the team. My expectation is that personal issues remain separate from workplace interactions so we can maintain a productive environment. How can we make sure that happens?”

This acknowledges the issue without placing blame and sets the expectation that work comes first.

Client: What if one of them starts venting about the other during this conversation?

Consultant: Shut it down—gently and firmly. Your job isn’t to mediate their personal dispute; it’s to manage workplace behavior.

You can say:
“I appreciate that this is a difficult situation. My role here is to ensure a professional work environment. Let’s focus on how we move forward in the workplace.”

Redirecting the conversation keeps you from getting dragged into personal details while reinforcing expectations.

Client: What if they’re being passive-aggressive—giving each other the cold shoulder, making snarky comments, or dragging teammates into it?

Consultant: If their behavior is disrupting the team, it’s time to set clearer boundaries.

Try this:
“I need to be direct—ongoing tension is affecting the team. I expect professionalism from both of you at work. That means no negativity, no involving coworkers, and no disruptions. If this continues, we’ll need to have a different conversation about next steps.”

This makes it clear that their behavior—not the breakup—is the problem.

Client: What if one of them accuses the other of harassment?

Consultant: That’s a serious issue and needs to be handled separately. If there’s an allegation of harassment or inappropriate behavior, treat it as you would any other workplace complaint—investigate and follow your company’s policies.

You might say:
“If you feel there’s behavior that crosses the line into harassment, I want to make sure we address that appropriately. Let’s talk through what’s happening so we can handle it properly.”

Make sure to document the conversation and involve the necessary people. If you need our help with an investigation we are here. Let’s not jump to that conclusion yet.

Client: And what if one of them asks to move to a different team?

Consultant: If a transfer is possible and makes sense for business needs, it might be a good option. However, don’t rush to move someone just because they’re uncomfortable—it sets a precedent that personal conflicts can dictate staffing decisions.

You can say:
“If a team change is something you’d like to explore, we can look at options that make sense for the business. However, my priority is ensuring that, no matter where you work, professionalism is maintained.”

This keeps the focus on business needs, not personal preference.

Client: Got it. But what if things don’t improve?

Consultant: If after multiple conversations (don’t forget to document) the issue persists, you may need to escalate to performance management. Continued disruptions, negativity, or refusal to act professionally could warrant formal warnings.
Try this:
“We’ve talked about this before, and I need to be clear—this can’t continue. If workplace behavior doesn’t improve, we’ll need to move to formal corrective action.”

This sets a firm boundary while giving them one last opportunity to self-correct.

Client: This is really helpful. So, bottom line—address the behavior, not the breakup, keep it professional, and set clear expectations?

Consultant: Exactly! No one expects people to be best friends after a breakup. They do need to be professional coworkers. By focusing on workplace expectations, you can help the team move forward without unnecessary drama.

And remember—we’re always here if you need backup.

Client: Hey, I’ve got employees coming to me saying it’s unfair that one of their coworkers gets to bring a service animal to work. I know I can’t share personal medical details, but how do I address their concerns without making things worse?

Consultant: This is a common challenge. People notice when policies seem different for some employees, and without the full picture, they may feel like there’s favoritism. The key is to reinforce company policy, educate employees on accommodations, and avoid discussing personal details.

Client: Right, but they’re asking why this person gets to bring their dog when they can’t bring theirs. How do I explain without saying ‘it’s a disability thing’?

Consultant: Keep it broad and policy-focused. You don’t have to get into specifics about why the employee has a service animal—just that the company follows legal accommodation requirements.

You might say:
“We follow the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and other applicable laws regarding accommodations. When an employee has an approved accommodation, including a service animal, it’s part of ensuring equal access to the workplace. These decisions are handled confidentially, and we appreciate everyone respecting that process.”

This keeps the focus on compliance and respect rather than individual cases.

Client: That’s fine, but what if they keep pushing and say it’s still unfair?

Consultant: It helps to shift the conversation from fairness to workplace inclusivity.

You can say:

“Accommodations aren’t about giving special privileges—they’re about ensuring everyone can do their job effectively. Just like someone might need an ergonomic chair for medical reasons, a service animal is a necessary support tool for some employees.”

Most people understand once they realize it’s not about personal preference, but a legitimate workplace need.

Client: What if another employee has allergies or a fear of dogs? Then what?

Consultant: That’s where balancing accommodations comes in. If an employee has a medical concern, they can also request an accommodation. You don’t have to choose one over the other—you just need to find a workable solution.

You can say:
“If you have concerns about the service animal, whether it’s allergies, fear, or another issue, let’s discuss how we can make sure you’re comfortable while also maintaining a respectful and legally compliant workplace.”

That way, you’re addressing their concern while reinforcing that the service animal isn’t negotiable.

Client: That’s a good approach. But what if people just don’t like having a dog in the office and want it gone?

Consultant: Preferences and personal opinions aren’t the same as workplace needs. If employees raise concerns that aren’t tied to a legitimate issue (like allergies or safety), the best approach is to remind them that accommodations are a normal part of a diverse workplace.

Try this:
“I understand that this may be new for some of you, but service animals are a recognized accommodation under the law. Our goal is to create a workplace where everyone can do their best work, and accommodations are part of that commitment.”

It’s a firm and professional way to set expectations.

Client: That helps a lot. So basically, focus on policy, offer solutions if needed, but don’t get into specifics?

Consultant: Exactly. Keep it factual, keep it fair, and keep personal details out of it. That way, you maintain privacy while also setting clear expectations for workplace respect.

And if you ever need help navigating specific situations, we’re here to support you.

Client: Hey, I have a tricky situation. One of my employees is taking frequent bathroom breaks, and it’s affecting their productivity. I don’t want to be insensitive, but I also need to make sure work is getting done. What should I do?

Consultant: I hear you. You want to be fair, and you need to manage workflow. This situation requires a balance between respecting the employee’s needs and addressing the impact on productivity. Let’s break it down.

Client: Okay, how do I even begin this conversation without making it uncomfortable?

Consultant: First, take a step back and look at the pattern. Is this a sudden change, or has it been ongoing? Is it affecting deadlines or creating an imbalance in workload for others? Once you have a clear understanding, approach the conversation from a place of curiosity rather than accusation.

What you can say:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been away from your workstation more frequently than usual. I want to check in to see if everything is okay and if there’s anything I can do to support you.”

This keeps the conversation open-ended rather than immediately making it about productivity concerns.

Client: What if they say it’s a medical issue? Am I even allowed to ask about that?

Consultant: You can’t ask for personal medical details, you can focus on the impact of their absences on work. If they voluntarily mention a medical condition, listen and proceed with sensitivity.

If they hint at a health-related issue, you can say:
“I understand that personal health matters can sometimes affect work. If there’s something we should be aware of, we can explore possible accommodations. Let me know how we can support you.”

This signals that you’re willing to work with them while keeping the focus on performance.

Client: What if it’s not a medical issue and they just keep taking too many breaks?

Consultant: Then it’s time to shift the conversation to expectations. Keep it factual and professional.

You might say:
“I understand that everyone needs breaks, but I’ve noticed that the time away is impacting work. Let’s discuss how we can ensure that tasks are completed while still allowing the breaks you need.”

This gives the employee room to propose a solution. Maybe they don’t realize the impact their breaks are having or they have a reason that can be easily addressed.

Client: So, should I start tracking their bathroom breaks?

Consultant: No, that’s a quick way to create distrust. Instead, focus on performance outcomes rather than micromanaging time away.

For example, you could say:
“Regardless of break times, we need to ensure deadlines are met and responsibilities are covered. Let’s work together to figure out how we can balance this.”

This shifts the focus from where they are to what they are accomplishing.

Client: What if the conversation doesn’t help and they keep taking excessive breaks?

Consultant: If performance continues to suffer, then it becomes a formal performance issue. At that point, you may need to document the impact and set expectations for improvement.

You can say:
“I want to be clear—this isn’t about limiting necessary breaks, and we need to find a way to ensure productivity meets expectations. If we can’t find a balance, we may need to explore further steps to address this.”

This opens the door to progressive discipline if the behavior doesn’t change.

Client: That’s helpful. I don’t want to be the ‘bathroom police,’ but I also need my team to be accountable.

Consultant: Exactly. The key is to focus on solutions, not surveillance. Approach the situation with professionalism, flexibility, and clear expectations. Most employees will appreciate the conversation when it’s framed as a way to support both them and the team.

And if you ever need to navigate a more complex case, we’re here to help.

Client: I need help. The topic of pronouns has come up in our workplace, and I want to ensure everyone feels respected. But some employees are unfamiliar or even uncomfortable with the idea. How do I address this without making things worse?

Consultant: Great question—and you’re not alone in asking it. Pronouns can feel like a tricky topic to navigate, but the key is to approach it with understanding and clarity. The goal here isn’t to make anyone uncomfortable—it’s to build a culture of respect where everyone feels seen.

Client: Okay, so where do I start? Some employees probably don’t even know what this is about.

Consultant: Start with why it matters. Explain that using someone’s correct pronouns is about basic respect and inclusion—much like pronouncing someone’s name properly. It’s not about forcing change; it’s about creating a welcoming environment.

You could say:
“We want a workplace where everyone feels respected. Using someone’s correct pronouns is one small but meaningful way to show that respect.”

Client: That makes sense, but I’m worried about resistance. Some employees might say, ‘I don’t see why this is necessary.’

Consultant: That’s common, and it usually comes from unfamiliarity. Frame this as an opportunity to learn, not a mandate. Resistance often fades when people understand why pronouns matter.

Here are some actions you can take:

• Offer short, optional training sessions about gender identity and pronouns.
• Share resources like articles or guides on why pronouns are important.
• Encourage leaders to model behavior by sharing their pronouns when introducing themselves.

For example:
“If this topic feels new to you, that’s okay—it’s new to many people. This is an opportunity for all of us to learn how to show respect to one another in small but important ways.”

Client: Okay, but I don’t want to put anyone on the spot. How do I normalize pronouns without making it awkward?

Consultant: That’s a great point. You want to normalize pronouns, not spotlight people. Leaders can model the behavior naturally by introducing themselves with their pronouns, like: “Hi, I’m Alex, and I use she/her pronouns.”  Make it clear that sharing pronouns is optional. No one should feel forced.

What you can say:
“You’re welcome to share your pronouns if you’re comfortable, but it’s not required. Our goal is to create an environment where everyone feels respected.”

Client: What about mistakes? If someone gets it wrong, won’t that create tension?

Consultant: Mistakes happen—and the key is to handle them with grace. If you or someone else uses the wrong pronoun, the best approach is to correct it quickly and move on. Over-apologizing can actually make things more uncomfortable.

For example:
“Oops, I meant he/him. Thanks for catching that.”

What you can say to your team:
“We’re all learning, and mistakes are okay. What matters is that we correct ourselves and keep improving.”

Client: What if someone refuses to use a coworker’s pronouns? I want to be understanding, but there has to be a line.

Consultant: You’re right—respect isn’t optional. While education and understanding are key, there comes a point where refusal to respect pronouns is no longer about discomfort; it’s a performance or conduct issue.

You might say:
“We don’t all have to agree on everything, but we do have to treat each other with respect. That includes using the names and pronouns our coworkers share with us.”

Make it clear that ongoing refusal won’t be tolerated, just like any other behavior that undermines a respectful workplace.

Client: Got it. So, what’s the overall message I should be sending to my team?

Consultant: The message is simple: this is about respect and inclusion, not perfection.

You could wrap it up with something like:
“We’re committed to creating a workplace where everyone feels seen and respected. If you have questions or feel unsure about this, let’s talk. Learning and growing together is what matters most.”

Client: That’s a good approach. It feels respectful and balanced.

Consultant: Exactly. By leading with understanding, normalizing the practice, and holding boundaries around respect, you can create a culture where everyone feels valued—without unnecessary tension.

And remember, we’re always here to help you navigate these conversations.