The Social Circle Dilemma: A Consultant’s Chat on Handling Employees Who Feel Left Out

Client: Hey, I’ve got a bit of a tricky situation on my hands. Some employees have been coming to me, complaining that they’re being left out because they’re not invited to lunch or after-hours activities. Now they want me to fix it. What do I do?

Consultant: The “Why wasn’t I invited?” conundrum. It’s like being back in high school, except now you’re the principal, and everyone expects you to solve their social dilemmas. First, let me say, I feel for you. Navigating workplace dynamics can sometimes feel like you’re hosting a never-ending reality TV show.

Client: Thanks, I appreciate that. It’s just so awkward. I don’t want anyone to feel excluded, but I’m not sure how to handle something like this.

Consultant: Totally understandable. The first thing to remember is that while you can foster a positive work culture, you can’t force friendships. It’s not your job to make sure everyone is best buddies outside of work, and you do want to create an environment where everyone feels included and respected. So, let’s start by addressing the complaints.

Have an open conversation with the employees who feels left out. You might say, “I understand you’re feeling excluded, and that’s never a good feeling. Let’s talk about what’s happening and how we can ensure everyone feels welcome at work.” This shows that you’re taking their concerns seriously without promising to play social director.

Client: That makes sense. But what if they’re expecting me to make everyone hang out together?

Consultant: This is where you set some boundaries. You can explain that while you can encourage a welcoming work environment, after-hours activities are voluntary and not something you can or should control. You might say, “While I can’t dictate how people spend their time outside of work, I do want to make sure our work environment is inclusive and that everyone feels they can participate in group activities during work hours.”

This helps them understand the distinction between workplace inclusion and personal time. It also opens the door to discussing ways to make work-related activities more inclusive without stepping on anyone’s personal time.

Client: But what if they’re still upset about not being invited to lunch or happy hours? How do I keep this from becoming a bigger issue?

Consultant: If they’re still upset, it’s time to shift the focus to what can be done within the scope of the workplace. You could suggest organizing more inclusive events that happen during work hours, like team lunches or coffee breaks where everyone is invited. For example, you might say, “Let’s plan a monthly team lunch where everyone’s invited. That way, we can all spend time together and no one feels left out.”

This gives them a chance to participate in group activities without crossing into the territory of personal time. Plus, it’s a great way to build team cohesion. Just make sure these events are genuinely inclusive and that everyone knows they’re welcome.

Client: That sounds like a good idea. But what if the core issue is that certain people just don’t seem to click with the rest of the team?

Consultant: A “chemistry” problem. It’s true that not everyone will naturally click with everyone else, and that’s okay. It’s important to acknowledge this and help your employees understand that it’s not a reflection of their worth. You might say, “It’s normal for different people to have different interests and friendships, and that doesn’t mean you’re not valued as part of the team.”

Encourage them to communicate their desire to participate, find common ground with their coworkers, perhaps by suggesting they initiate some inclusive activities themselves. Maybe they can organize a game or a lunch where everyone’s invited, rather than waiting for an invitation. This not only empowers them it could help them take ownership of their social experience at work.

Client: But what if they just want me to fix it and don’t want to take any steps themselves?

Consultant: That’s where you need to gently remind them of the limits of your role. You can’t force friendships, and it’s not realistic to expect you to manage social dynamics outside of work. You might say, “I’m here to support you in feeling included at work, it’s also important for you to take some steps to build connections. I can help facilitate that, and it’s a two-way street.”

Encourage them to step out of their comfort zone a bit. It might feel uncomfortable at first, and it’s often the best way to build relationships. And who knows? They might find they have more in common with their coworkers than they realized.

Client: That’s a good point. But what if their complaints start affecting the team’s morale? I don’t want this to turn into a bigger issue.

Consultant: If it’s starting to affect the team’s morale, it’s time to address it head-on. Have a team meeting to reinforce the importance of inclusivity and respect within the workplace. You might say, “We all bring different strengths to the team, and it’s important that everyone feels respected and included at work. Let’s focus on making sure our work environment is positive for everyone.”

This sets the tone for how you expect the team to interact and shows that you’re committed to maintaining a healthy work culture. At the same time, encourage open communication and let everyone know they can come to you with concerns—just be clear that you expect those concerns to be constructive and focused on the work environment.

Client: What if they still feel like they’re being left out, even after all of this? Do I need to intervene more directly?

Consultant: If they still feel left out, it might be time for a one-on-one conversation to dig a little deeper. You could say, “I want to make sure you feel included and valued at work. Let’s talk about what specifically is making you feel left out and how we can address it together.”

Sometimes, it’s not really about the social activities, rather a deeper feeling of being undervalued or disconnected. If that’s the case, focus on finding ways to help them feel more engaged with their work and connected to the team during work hours. Maybe there’s a project they could lead or a role they could take on that would make them feel more integral to the team.

Client: That makes sense. So, it’s about balancing empathy with setting realistic expectations?

Consultant: Exactly. You want to show that you care about their feelings and want them to feel included, and you need to set boundaries about what you can control. The workplace should be inclusive and welcoming, after-hours activities are a personal choice. By fostering a positive work environment and encouraging inclusive activities during work hours, you’re doing your part. The rest is up to them.

Client: Thanks, this really helps. Any final words of wisdom?

Consultant: Just this: it’s important to remember that you can’t be everyone’s best friend, and you can’t force others to be, either. Your job is to create a positive, inclusive work environment where everyone feels respected and valued. If some employees want to socialize outside of work, that’s great. It’s not something you can—or should—control. Focus on making work a place where everyone feels like part of the team, and the rest will usually fall into place.

We are here to help anytime. Thanks for the conversation.

National Ugly Sweater Day: A Festive Dive into the World of Gaudy Fashion

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: the snow is falling, the carolers are singing, and the office is filled with the gentle hum of holiday cheer. But amidst the glittering lights and the sweet scent of gingerbread, there’s one day that stands out, a day so revered and yet so ridiculous that it’s become a holiday in its own right—National Ugly Sweater Day. Mark your calendars, folks, because on the third Friday in December, it’s time to dig deep into your closets (or your grandmother’s attic) and embrace the glorious monstrosity that is the ugly holiday sweater.

Before we dive into the current state of ugly sweater mania, let’s take a step back in time. The origins of this bizarre fashion trend are somewhat murky, but it’s widely believed that the first ugly holiday sweaters were knitted by well-meaning grandmothers who thought that reindeer, snowmen, and garlands belonged not only on trees but also on their grandchildren’s torsos. These early creations were intended to be festive, cheerful, and warm—because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a woolen abomination that could double as a wearable furnace.

In the 1980s, ugly sweaters began to appear in popular culture, thanks in part to television shows where characters donned them in the name of holiday spirit. Think Chevy Chase’s Clark Griswold in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Pop culture has immortalized the ugly sweater as a symbol of awkward holiday gatherings and over-the-top festivity.

In the early 2000s ugly sweaters truly came into their own. What began as a kitschy, ironic trend has blossomed into a full-blown cultural phenomenon, with dedicated ugly sweater parties, contests, and even entire websites devoted to selling the most garish garments you can imagine.

Why Ugly Sweaters? Why Not?

Now, you might be wondering: why would anyone voluntarily wear something so hideous? The answer, my friend, is simple—it’s all about the holiday spirit. National Ugly Sweater Day is a chance to embrace the silliness, the joy, and the unbridled festiveness of the season. It’s a day when fashion sense is not just ignored but actively rebelled against, in favor of something far more important: FUN.

In a world where we’re constantly bombarded with messages about how to dress to impress, how to look chic and sophisticated, National Ugly Sweater Day is a refreshing break. It’s a day to celebrate creativity, humor, and the simple pleasure of making people laugh. Plus, let’s be honest—there’s something deeply satisfying about seeing your coworkers and friends transformed into walking Christmas decorations.

The Anatomy of an Ugly Sweater

Not all ugly sweaters are created equal. There’s an art to crafting the perfect ugly sweater, a balance between gaudiness and absurdity that separates the true masterpieces from the merely mediocre. Here’s what to look for when curating your own ugly sweater:

  1. Over-the-Top Design: The key to a great ugly sweater is that it should be visually overwhelming. We’re talking about sweaters that look like they were designed by someone who went on a sugar-fueled binge after watching too many Christmas movies. Think giant snowflakes, three-dimensional reindeer noses, blinking lights, and tinsel. If it looks like a Christmas tree exploded on your chest, you’re on the right track.
  2. Clashing Colors: Subtlety has no place on National Ugly Sweater Day. The more garish the color scheme, the better. Reds, greens, golds, and silvers should all be fighting for dominance, preferably in patterns that make your eyes water. Bonus points if the sweater includes a color that doesn’t traditionally belong in the holiday palette—like a shocking neon pink or a nauseating lime green.
  3. Textures and Add-Ons: Why stop at just a print when you can add texture? Fuzzy pom-poms, glittery snow, and dangling ornaments can take your sweater from ugly to epically ugly. Some enthusiasts even go so far as to attach entire stuffed animals to their sweaters, creating wearable holiday dioramas.
  4. DIY Spirit: While there are plenty of ready-made ugly sweaters available for purchase, there’s something special about a DIY creation. Whether you’re hot-gluing tinsel to an old sweater or sewing jingle bells onto a cardigan, the effort you put into making your sweater as ugly as possible is what truly counts. Plus, it’s a great way to channel any pent-up holiday stress into something productive. After all, nothing says “I need a break from holiday shopping” like bedazzling a Rudolph sweater.

Ugly Sweater Parties: A Modern-Day Tradition

Once you’ve crafted your perfect ugly sweater, it’s time to show it off at an ugly sweater party. These gatherings have become a staple of the holiday season, a chance for friends, family, and coworkers to come together, share a few drinks (appropriate for the company and driving responsibilities), and revel in the sheer absurdity of their attire.

Ugly sweater parties are also the great equalizer of the holiday season. At a typical holiday party, there’s always a bit of pressure to dress to impress. But at an ugly sweater party, the goal is to dress to distress. The more hideous your sweater, the more respect you’ll earn from your fellow revelers. It’s a time to put aside concerns about fashion faux pas and embrace the liberating joy of being as tacky as possible.

The highlight of any ugly sweater party is, of course, the ugly sweater contest. Categories can include “Most Festive,” “Most Creative,” “Most Likely to Cause Snow Blindness,” and “Best Use of Glitter.” Winners receive not just bragging rights, but often a prize—usually something equally ridiculous, like a trophy made out of candy canes or a framed picture of Santa Claus.

At the heart of National Ugly Sweater Day is the idea of embracing the spirit of the holidays in a way that’s joyful, inclusive, and just a little bit ridiculous. In a season that can sometimes feel overwhelming, with its endless to-do lists and social obligations, Ugly Sweater Day is a reminder not to take things too seriously.

So, whether you’re attending an ugly sweater party, competing in an office contest, or just wearing your sweater with pride as you run errands, remember that the point is to have fun. This is a day to let your inner child run wild, to indulge in a bit of harmless holiday silliness, and to share a few laughs with the people around you.

And who knows? You might even find that your ugly sweater becomes a cherished part of your holiday tradition. After all, nothing brings people together quite like shared laughter—and there’s no better way to inspire laughter than by donning a sweater that’s so ugly, it’s beautiful.

So, this December, when National Ugly Sweater Day rolls around, don’t be shy. Embrace the ugly. Celebrate the tacky. And most importantly, wear that sweater with pride, because in a world that often feels too serious, we could all use a little more fun and a lot more festive fashion disasters.