At HR Answers, we often hear concerns about the level of civility in today’s workplaces. People tell us they notice a decline in general politeness, courtesy, and respect. And it’s true: civility is complicated.
For some, civility is the foundation of a healthy workplace and society. For others, appeals to civility have historically been used to silence voices and maintain the status quo. Both perspectives are valid and understanding them helps us use civility constructively rather than defensively.
Civility as a Strength
- Respectful dialogue: True civility means listening to others — even when we disagree — and engaging productively.
- Confidence, not weakness: Leading with respect in a conflict shows competence, not surrender.
- Deeper than manners: Civility is more than etiquette; it’s recognizing others as moral equals.
- Historical roots: From Aristotle to Franklin, civility has long been tied to the idea of citizenship and social responsibility.
Civility Misused
- Silencing dissent: Calls for civility have sometimes been used to dismiss or deflect justified protest.
- Unequal standards: Historically, “out-groups” have been held to stricter civility standards than those in power.
- Ignoring context: Tone-policing without understanding intent can shut down dialogue instead of opening it.
The Key Distinction
The critical question is: who is asking for civility, and why? When it’s about maintaining power, it can be harmful. But when everyone models mutual respect, civility becomes the bridge to healthier, more productive workplaces.
What Civility Looks Like
- Treating others with dignity, courtesy, and consideration
- Speaking in appropriate tones
- Respecting others’ right to express views, even when disagreeing
- Managing conflict in respectful, constructive ways
Incivility looks different: rudeness, intimidation, swearing, humiliating others, or shutting down opposing views.
Benjamin Franklin once said: “Be civil to all; serviceable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.” A timeless reminder.
Keys to Civil Dialogue
- Lead with kindness.
- Be the change — model what you want to see.
- Choose your battles wisely.
- Respectful disagreement is okay.
- Listen actively and without interruption.
- Focus on ideas, not people.
- Disagreement ≠ lack of intelligence.
- Manage your emotions.
- Watch your tone and volume.
- Mind your manners — sarcasm and insults, close doors.
- Use facts, not assumptions.
- Seek to understand different contexts.
- Focus on solutions, not just problems.
- Celebrate differences.
Disagreements and debates are inevitable. But with a commitment to civility and respect, we’re more likely to find solutions, acceptance, and understanding — all of which workplaces need now more than ever.
If this message resonates, or if your organization wants to reinforce civility in your culture, HR Answers can help. We offer educational programming and training to make civility a workplace standard, not an afterthought.